Don't Do It, Fellas!

I was at the Hilton Hotel partaking in a lunch buffet. The crowd was larger than I expected for a Thursday, but I decided to give it a go any way.

As I was fixing a salad, my attention was caught by a young lady and a young man standing to my left.

I watched that young man make an almost deadly mistake. Now, I know young people don't think before doing certain things, but he almost didn't come back from this one, folks. This guy did something that can get you killed quicker than wrong answers to 21 Questions on Falen's FB page.

This guy asked a lady, who was not pregnant, when she was due.

It's as if the entire restaurant went silent.



The lady's left temple started throbbing on her forehead. Her right eye twitched as her head turned towards the guy in an owl-like fashion.

"And why do you think I'm pregnant?" she asked in a calm-before-the-storm-voice.

I started thinking to myself, "Dude, act like you didn't hear her and just return to your table."

But, of course, being young and stupid, he tried to explain, "Well, I didn't mean that. I just thought... Well... I'm just sayin'..."

This lady went off on this dude like he'd left only a swallow of orange juice in the container (That's a "Harlem Nights" reference for those of you paying attention -- You need Netflix in your life).



After the guy took his 10 second verbal beating like a man, he smiled, apologized and proceeded to move on to another part of the buffet.

To all of my young male blog readers: if you see a woman with a larger-than-usual stomach. PLEASE do not assume that she is pregnant. Keep your comments to yourself! I don't care if you see a baby's foot sticking out of the zipper of her pants, do not assume she is with child.



DON'T DO IT, FELLAS! If you have done this before, then join our discussion here!

Why Can't I See Wanda Sykes?

Garbage! Straight up garbage! It's a doggone shame how our government lets Corporate America rob us blind every single day.

I was trying to be a good husband and surprise The Mrs. with a trip to Biloxi to check out Wanda Sykes next weekend. No reason. Just to relax and enjoy a good show.

Well, guess how much that trip would cost me for one night? Almost $800 freakin' dollars!

A couple of weeks ago I saw Wanda tickets were on sale for the IP Casino on the Gulf Coast. Now, for those who don't know, I'm a huge Wanda Sykes fan. In fact, The Mrs. probably should have felt threatened by her for a few years before Wanda announced she was gay. At that point, I knew my chances of getting with her were, uh, pretty much slim-to-none. But, hey, what can I say? Funny women are attractive to me and Wanda is all-that.



Anyway, the tickets were $45-$65, so I went to Ticketmaster to buy a couple.

"Let's see... Two tickets... Best available... $260 per ticket!!!???"

I couldn't believe my eyes! I kept reading because some where in fine print it has to say that I get to stay in Wanda's room after the show or something for a price this excessive.

After being disappointed with the contents of the fine print, I try Stubhub, Tickets, Razorgator and any other site that comes to mind and the cheapest ticket I found was $70 for "general admission" in the back of the room.

I decided I'd better at least check the price of the hotel of the casino where the comedy show will be. If I can at least get a room, I'm sure I can score some tickets locally at a reasonable price.

"Hmmmmm, one night.... two adults.... September 10th..."

(click)

"$270 per night!!!!!????"

Now, I'm positive that Wanda comes with the room! I just stayed at this hotel less than a year ago for $90 and now you want to triple your price?

Why is it legal for the ticket companies to buy up all of the tickets and then scalp them back to us for triple the face value?

How can hotels run for $65 a night, but jump to $250 a night when a special event rolls into town?

All I wanted to do was take The Mrs. on a nice weekend to see Wanda and Corporate America has foiled me once again.

I know one thing: you all better stop voting for these people on the ballot just because they have a (D) or an (R) in front of their name. Because no matter which group runs the White House, I still can't catch a break. You all keep arguing with one another while the White House officials keep pocketing our hard-earned money.



Oh, well. I guess I'll have to think of something else for date night with The Mrs. Maybe it worked out for her anyway that we couldn't make the show. After all, it was Wanda Sykes we were going to see.

How Dumb Is T.I.?

Let me get this straight: you just did a year of time for an illegal weapons charge that you could've easily gotten three-to-five years.

And just months after being let out and doing your "Road to Redemption" show, marrying the saddest looking woman on VH1 (she literally looks depressed), you get nabbed after busting a u-turn in West Hollywood with weed and meth in your ride?

Are you serious? How dumb is T.I.? Does T.I. stand for "The Idiot"?

Why are you and Tiny in West Hollywood anyway? Trying to "keep it real"? Ask Dave Chappelle about that.



I'm not sure why I'm surprised. Some people are stuck on stupid. They hate freedom. It's like some dudes have self-destruction in their DNA (and women tend to flock to these guys -- go figure).

Look on the bright side, dude. Maybe this can be turned into a sequel to your reality show. You can name it "Road to Rehab" and co-star Tiny.

Side note: Is Tiny not the oldest 36-year old you've ever seen in your life? I hate to beat a dead horse, but... Maybe I shouldn't use that phrase when referring to her.

Anyhoo, you can sell those leftover "Free T.I." shirts you had left in the trunk of your car from your first stint upstate.

So, when you get back to "Oz", walk through the gates and enter the yard where the convicts are getting their daily recess and scream, "Recognize, I'm back!"



Tell Simon Adebisi that I said, "what's up?"