Thursday, December 1, 2016

Hearing "No" Is Sometimes Helpful

As a 45-year old guy, I've heard the word "no" so many times in my life that it's not even funny.  I heard it from my parents.  I heard it from my teachers.  And I've definitely heard it from the opposite sex.

Despite all of that, I didn't die.  I was able to move on with my life and get past it.

Some "no's" came with an explanation.  Some came with a lie.  Some didn't come with anything after it at all.  Yet, I'm still here.

However, there are so many people in the world who are afraid to hear the word "no".  Why is that?

Is it parenting?  Because I've stated time-and-time again on this blog that 70's babies dropped the ball on parenting.  Especially in the black community.  We spend so much time trying to please our children that we fail to teach them anything.  "I want my kid to have the things that I didn't have."

But at what cost?  To the point that they don't know how to handle rejection?

Hearing the word "no" is the best thing for any child to hear.  It teaches them patience.  It teaches them restraint.  It teaches them that you can't have everything you want no matter how much you want it.  No matter much you think you deserve it.  Not hearing "no" breeds entitlement.  Why do you think people like the Donald Trump feel as if they can "grab" what they want?  It's not his money that makes him a jerk.  It's not learning restraint that makes him one.

And the only adults worse than those who can't accept "no" are the parents who are afraid to say the word "no".  You cannot be your child's friend.  I've encountered so many parents who allow their children to run their households.  I know a kid who is in elementary school with an 11 PM bedtime on a school night because her mother wouldn't "make" him go to bed.  Or a set of parents I know who are basically a taxi service for their daughter who participates in almost every existing activity there is.  She plays soccer, she's a cheerleader, a gymnast, and a girl scout.  Her dad complains all of the time that he and his wife don't even have time for basic things, but neither of them wants to "disappoint" their little lady.


I'm not a parent.  Because of that, people tend to dismiss what I say when it comes to parenting.  However, getting / getting someone pregnant doesn't make one an expert either.  Parenting skills come from paying attention.

It's true that experience is the best teacher, but who says that it has to be your experience?

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