Sunday, June 1, 2014

"I'm Sorry" Is As Important As "I Love You"

"Come at me, bro."
The title says it all, but most people overlook the true value of an apology.  There are times when we overstep boundaries or are just plain insensitive in relationships.  We're human.  We make mistakes.  However, the mistake is not always as important as the reaction to it.  A lot of people can't seem to grasp that.

If someone tells you that you hurt their feelings, the first and only thing you should do at that time is listen.  Pay attention to them as they explain what it is that hurt them.  If what they say has merit then own up to it.  Too often we do like a crawfish (or lobster if you're not from the South) and we back up with our defenses up.  We do this because we want to justify our actions with excuses.

The second thing that we should do if we realize that what the person has said has merit is to apologize.  Not some weak celebrity apology like, "I'm sorry that you feel that way" or "I'm sorry that you're offended by what I said."  That just insults the person even further by insinuating something is wrong with them.  I mean a legitimate and sincere "I'm sorry" or "I apologize."  Those words can carry just as much weight as an "I love you."  In some cases, it's even a shorter way of expressing that you love someone.  There should be no such thing as having leverage in a relationship.  If you feel as if you come off as "weak" for admitting fault in yourself then you're not worthy of a significant other anyway.

Who wants someone who would rather be wrong and proud than accountable and in love?

They may blame it on previous relationships by saying previous dates have done them wrong.  Maybe that did happen.  However, if you've been hurt so many times in your life that you keep your defense up, then you're going to be just like that crawfish.  You're going to back up with your guards up into your little, dark hole all by your lonesome self.  You're not ready to be in a relationship if you harshly treat the future based on a bad past.  Relationships are about trust and if you don't trust someone enough to show a vulnerable side of yourself then why are you with them?

We buy into this man vs. woman hype so much that we feel as if we have to one-up our significant other?  What do you gain from that?  Is changing your Facebook status back to "Single" or "Divorced" worth not admitting you screwed up?  Unfortunately, for some it is.  So many people want to win the battle even if it costs them the war.  Those people are chronically-single and should be avoided at all times if you recognize that trait in the first few dates.

The bottom line is this: you can't love someone if you're not willing to expose a vulnerable side of yourself.  The reason that it's called "falling in love" is because falling is a vulnerable state.  You have a right to disagree with me on all of this, but I have a right to question if you even know what love is if you do.

Love is defined as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person."

Nowhere in there does it say "on whom you must maintain leverage at all times."  Because a lack of the ability to apologize after wronging someone is a shameful attempt to maintain leverage.  It's a meager attempt to not show weakness despite the fact that it's the epitome of a weak person to not show remorse.

I'm not saying that you can't ever defend yourself.  There are times we are accused of something wrong that we simply didn't do.  There are also times that you may think that what you did wasn't all that bad.  Those are the tough ones, but if it's a problem for your mate then your only two options are to accommodate them and change or go your separate ways.  Staying in the relationship without changing and later repeating the incident is a waste of each other's time.

If you're too big to admit when you're wrong and sincerely say "I'm sorry" then you deserve to be alone.  After all, you never have to worry about saying something offensive to yourself and having to apologize in a mirror.

4 comments:

  1. Apologizing shows growth and maturity. Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Q. Wait a minute. Ali McGraw told me in that epic movie, Love Story, and here I'll quote my childhood dream girl:

    "Love means never having to say you're sorry."

    OK, maybe she was off cant on that one. Apology seems to be a lost art in today's society. My daddy instilled the clear understanding of what an apology is, how and when to give one, and what the punishment would be should I Good post. choose to not give one where appropriate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting quote! I've never seen the movie, but I think that I've heard it before. I do think that more parents need to teach kids how to apologize. Today's parents seem to think that their child can do no wrong therefore doesn't feel a need to teach them.

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