|"Don't mind the axe. I'm a lumberjack!"|
I was sitting in the backseat and I sat up and directed my attention out the front window once the driver, Greg, started to slow down. "Greg, what are you doing, man?" I inquired as I wondered if he was pranking the hitchhiker or actually stopping.
"I'm going to give this guy a lift," he replied. "He looks cool."
"What do you mean he looks cool?" I started. "How do you know he's cool?"
"I mean, he looks like he needs a ride," Greg responded looking in the rear view mirror at me.
The passenger, Henry, said nothing as he sat in the front seat. By this time, we're about 50 yards away and the hitchhiker notices that we're slowing down so he starts to stand up. "Greg, don't pick this dude up, man!" I said getting more nervous. "He could be crazy!"
"Chill, Q," Greg started, "we're only a couple of exits from the school, so at least that will help him out a bit."
Now I'm really nervous. This fool is going to actually pull over and pick up Charles Manson on the side of the road. Since I'm in the backseat alone, this psycho will probably end up sitting next to me which isn't cool. Why? Because I'm the only black guy in the car! And we all know that the black guy is always the first to die!
Desperate times calls for desperate measures. "Greg, if you pull over I will punch you in the back of the head!"
"What?" he replied not sure if I'm kidding or not.
"I'm not playing, Greg!" I said with a quiver in my voice. "I will punch you in the back of the head!"
Evidently, Greg could hear the fear and seriousness in my voice and see it in my eyes in the mirror. I was a man trapped in the back seat of a car with very few options. I was going to punch him in his head. He increased his speed and we blew right past the confused hitchhiker. "Lighten up, Q," he replied. "That guy might have really needed a ride."
I didn't reply as I sat back in my seat. I could hear my heartbeat in my head. I really was going to punch Greg in the back of the head... repeatedly. He has no idea to this day that as he was slowing down the car that he was just 5 mph away from getting punched in the back of the head.
I don't take chances with my life, but I was going to risk an accident over having Jason Vorhees in the backseat with me. Unfortunately for hitchhikers in need, axe murderers have messed the game up for them as far as I'm concerned. I don't stop for hitchhikers. Period. I don't care if it's a woman and she looks like Tika Sumpter. The moral of the story is: if you pick up hitchhikers then you'll get punched in the back of the head. Don't get punched in the back of the head.
Have you ever picked up a hitchhiker or have been a hitchhiker?