Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Men's Guide to Preparing to Date

As a guy in my 40's, I won't claim to understand women.  "Women are to be loved, not understood" is what someone once said.  However, I've picked up on some things in my time on this planet to at least get a gist of what mature-minded women want.  And that's a man who does not "feel around in the dark" for lack of a better phrase.  Know where you're going and how to get there at all times, fellas.

So, I want to help the guys out there, who think they're ready for a relationship, get a to-do list together.

The first thing that you must do is be worthy of dating!

How often do dudes who are in the middle of some drama-filled ordeal, or unemployed and broke, or just not in the right place mentality, try to holla at a lady?  It doesn't make any sense.  It's like packing for a trip overseas without buying a plane ticket.  How are you getting there?

Make sure your house is in order before knocking on someone else's door, fellas.  You only have one mother, so make sure your life is at a place that doesn't require you to look for another one.  Be able to take care of yourself and a family before engaging a woman in something serious.

If she's over 30 years old, call more than you text.

I don't understand the entire "textationship" that some people enjoy.  Maybe because I value a line of communication that actually conveys emotion and inflection.  I'm not frowning on texting, but there's a time and place for it, if you ask me.  You can text later in the relationship as the two of you grow.  But I'd avoid overdoing it to start things off.

Let a woman hear your voice and see your face.  Allow her to learn your facial expressions and body language first and that will allow your messages to have personality.  It's easy to get the wrong impression of someone if you try to learn them via text.  You'll feel as if you know one another because of the volume of messages, but you'll find out that you really don't know each other at all.

Take charge and plan the date.

More times than not, ladies will allow a guy to take the reins and determine where the first date will be.  I am so surprised at how many guys I've met who do not know how to effectively plan a date with a woman.

  • If you want to see her on Friday, then let her know on Monday.  Allow her time to make whatever arrangements she may deem necessary from pampering herself or making child care decisions.  It will also make it easier on you if you catch her before she makes plans to do something else.
  • Know where you want to take her.  Let her know where you want to go so she can dress accordingly.  If she doesn't like the place, then she can always tell you.  And be mindful of anything that may negatively affect your dating plans.  If it's a holiday weekend and/or a really popular place, then make reservations.  If it's outdoors, then be mindful of the weather forecast.  Think things through.  Don't take her to a loud concert or a movie if you are still getting to know each other.  Take her somewhere you two can have a conversation without a lot of noise.
  • Dress the part.  Make sure she's clear on where she's going so she can dress accordingly.  Do the same.  Don't show up at a 5-star restaurant dressed like you're going to a basketball game.  You'll have plenty of time to be casual around her, if all goes well.  In the meantime, show her that swag.
  • Be on time.  I don't think that I even have to get an explanation for that one.
  • Open doors, including car doors.  When you're on a date, then be a chauffeur.  Chivalry isn't a luxury.  It should be a way of life.
  • Pay for the meal.  For the new age guys who want to feel things out before committing financially, meet her for coffee first.  But once you decide upon a dinner date, then treat her.  A woman usually spends money on a new outfit, hair, nails, etc., to look good for a date.  Don't compound her spending with making her pay for her own meal, too.
  • Have a secondary location.  After dinner, the night may still be young.  Have another place in mind where the evening can continue in case you need it.  A nice spot overlooking a body of water, a quiet bar for after-dinner drinks, or something of that sort.
Hopefully, this will help some of you guys looking for something long-term with a special someone.  You have to have a plan for everything you take seriously.

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