Fellas, Don't Spend More Than $15 for First Dates

I know that the ladies are looking at the title of this post with their mouths agape.  Sorry, ladies, but some of you all kind of brought this on yourselves.  It's too expensive these days to have an old school mentality in a new school world.  It's time for men's dating tactics to evolve just as women have.

At one point of my life, I could meet a woman that I liked and take her out on what was called "a proper date".  That would usually include dinner and drinks in which I would get the tab at the end of the evening.  This was how most relationships (or an attempt at one) started.  It may have been costly sometimes, but both parties were genuinely interested in getting to know one another.  So, it didn't feel like a huge loss if things didn't work out.

However, things are different these days.  Fellas, there are a lot of women out there who just want "something to do".  Sure, they may be interested in a relationship, but that doesn't mean that it has to be with you.  There are plenty of women who will go out with a guy they have no intention of ever dating.  They'll laugh, joke, and will probably even have a good time with you and then you won't hear from them again until their hungry.

There are a lot of "good enough" guys out here in society to keep these women occupied until they find the man that they actually want.  I decided years ago that I would no longer be that "good enough" guy.  If I'm not "the" guy then she can waste someone else's time on a Friday night.  There is always another woman, guys, so don't get so caught up on one who doesn't even want you.  If she comes at you wanting some lavish dinner from somewhere then you should question her motives.  Unless she's agreeing to go dutch.

If a woman is truly interested in a man then she will meet him for coffee or even frozen yogurt.  Because she values his time more than just what he can do for her.  And I won't hesistate to tell any young guy who will listen, "don't spend more than $15 for first dates."  Find out if you even like her or not (and if she likes you) before you spend your hard-earned money on someone who has your name saved in her phone under "Crab Legs".

Spouses Have To Evolve

I just had an interesting conversation with a friend about how some long-term marriages can sometimes fall apart.  So many of us have the misconception that once you're married, you're safe.  After "I do", then you think that you can just sit back and relax forever.

Well, that's not the case at all.  It's safe to say that if your marriage makes it long-term (10 years or more), that you're well beyond most incompatibility issues.  However, there are long-term concerns.  Most of them center around evolution or the lack thereof.

Although "love is blind", we shouldn't be.  Some of us don't change, yet we fail to pay attention to our spouses changing.  My friend said that, "it's important to grow individually and collectively.  If only one person is growing, then they outgrow the other."

Very true.  Marriage is a journey.  You may have to do something different stylistically, intimately, or even open your mindset to change in order to keep up with your spouse.  For example: let's say that you marry someone who at one point, just like you, loves to eat junk food and sit on the couch and watch movies.  For ten years, this is what the two of you enjoy.  However, now you're approaching your 40's and your spouse starts to get concerned about health issues.  So, they join a gym and work out regularly.  If you choose to not evolve with your spouse, then you run the risk of an eventual issue in the marriage.

Is one spouse wrong for wanting a healthier lifestyle?  No. Is the other one wrong for wanting a more relaxed lifestyle?  No.  But, odds are, they will clash at some point.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the saying,"you should accept me for who I am" applies to both spouses and not just for the one who refuses to change.

If You're Broke Then Don't Date (Man or Woman)

Relationships are easy to get into, but difficult to maintain.  So, it's safe to say that you have to avoid certain pitfalls in order to find one that works.  You have to put yourself in a position to succeed if you want something that could end up in a long term or permanent venture.  In order to be a spouse, you have to become a spouse.

Now, that sounds redundant, but if you heard me say it instead of just reading it then you would think that I was a philosopher or something. :)

To "become a spouse" you have to have your life in order.  Any chaos in your life will transfer to anyone you try to date.  No matter how you try to hide or suppress whatever is causing strife at home it will come to the forefront.  And more than likely it will be the wedge driven between you and your significant other.

One of those things that drives a wedge in relationship is money.  Generally, the lack thereof.  Any time someone doesn't know how their next bill is going to get paid then that's the pure definition of "stress."  You're "robbing Peter to pay Paul," you're getting extensions, paying late fees, and other things just to maintain some necessities in life.  But, you want to go out this weekend with someone you just met?  Child, please.

For men, we're expected by most of society to "court" the woman.  That can mean taking her to dinner, movies, etc.  There are free and inexpensive ways to get to know someone, but that depends on the woman.  There are some women who don't care where you go or what you do.  They just want to spend time with you and be treated with respect.  Most men refer to those women as "potential wives" or the "kind you take home to Momma."  If a woman has to go out to eat, drink, socialize just to be with you then most men like to call them "rentals."  Harsh, but true.

Now this blog does not apply to college students who are usually broke.  We understand your situation.  But as an adult it's imperative that you have some sort of income that will allow you to date.  There are some females who don't require being courted, so they'll be okay with "coming over to chill" at the crib with you.  A DVD and fast food can turn into sex.  You can get by being broke with them because they have lower standards anyway.  That's why I referred to them as "females" instead of "ladies."

However, ladies generally want to be courted and expect the man to entertain.  That actually rubs some guys (notice I said "guys" and not "men") the wrong way.  Some guys will sit back and think, "well, I spent $50 on dinner and she didn't spend a dime.  She owes me."

Well, some women do treat the man every now and then and it's a wonderful and appreciated gesture.  Yet, a lot of guys are quick to holler, "Why doesn't she treat me every other date?  She works a full-time job just like I work one!"

Well, consider this, fellas: most women buy a new outfit when they go out with someone new.  Let's just say hers cost $100.  She also wants to get her hair and nails done.  Add in another $100.  Do you still think that she kept her purse closed for your date?  Absolutely not.  Because she wants to look just as impressive if not more impressive than the time you met her and asked her out.  Guys, you probably actually come out cheaper just paying for dinner than what it cost her to get ready for dinner.  I'm just saying.

So, don't be so quick to ask her to foot the bill when all you did is get a hair cut, um 'kay?

The bottom line is: "Romance without finance is a nuisance."  Money isn't necessary to have a good time and enjoy someone, but in today's society it's very important.  Very little is free these days, so finding entertainment can be costly depending on where you live.  So, if you find someone worthy of your time then be in a place where both of you aren't restricted because of finances.  Being financially secure can give you a peace of mind that can make you a lot more pleasant to date.

Managing Day-to-Day Stress

Your alarm goes off.  You hit the button and look at the clock.  It's 6:00 AM and Tuesday.  The first thing that hits your mind before your feet hit the floor is that you have a 1/4 tank of gas left.  You walk into the bathroom trying to wipe the sleep from your eyes.  You look in the mirror only to have your focus disrupted when your child reminds you of a field trip on Thursday.  She will need $10 for the trip.

You say, "okay" and now try to figure out what you need to do to accommodate that $10 for the field trip.  At the same time, you're trying to coordinate all of your errands on your way to work so that you can take care of it all in one trip and save gas.

You finally get dressed, grab a bite to eat for breakfast and head out the door.  As you watch your kid board the bus, you turn around and look at your car only to see that your back, left tire is on a flat.  You're almost brought to tears as you pop the trunk to get the spare.

Thirty minutes later the tire is changed and you're on your way to work a few minutes late.  Now you have to get your tire fixed on top of the $10 for the field trip and having to make it until Friday on 1/4 tank of gas.  You're going to skip lunch today because that's where your daughter's $10 for her trip will come from.

You get to work and your trifling coworker has been slacking and causing you more work.  You can't say anything to him because his uncle is the boss at your branch.  He pretty much has a lifetime immunity at the job despite the fact that he's non-productive.  You have to smile and deal with his shenanigans.  

After a full day of work, you're hungry due to skipping lunch, but it's only three minutes until quitting time.  Your day is almost over!  But, your desk phone rings.  It's an irate client and he keeps you on the phone for an additional 30 minutes after quitting time.

You finish up at work and finally head home.  Traffic is bad, but it gives you an opportunity to figure out a game plan for dinner.  Is there enough in the refrigerator to generate a decent meal or will you need to stop by the store?  You decide to head on home and cook what's there.  You've made something out of nothing before.

You arrive home, cook, eat, and finally sit down for the evening.  It's 7:30 PM and you just want to watch some TV and unwind until your daughter comes in the room with that look she gives when she's in trouble.  Her science project is due tomorrow and she needs some supplies from Office Depot.

You do everything within your power to not curse as you grab your shoes and keys to take her to the store.  You've told her time-and-time again not to wait until the last minute, but she's a kid.  That's what they do.  If you only had a spouse to help manage things it would be so much easier.  But, it's just you and your daughter.

After coming back from Office Depot and spending $27 that you really didn't have, you start her on the project and eventually make your way towards the bedroom.  It's almost 9 PM and you're exhausted.  You plop on the bed and before you know it, you're out like a light...

Your alarm goes off.  You hit the button and look at the clock.  It's 6:00 AM and Wednesday.  The first thing that hits your mind before your feet hit the floor is that you have less than a 1/4 tank of gas left.  You walk into the bathroom trying to wipe the sleep from your eyes.  You look in the mirror only to have your focus disrupted when your child reminds you of a field trip tomorrow.  You give her $10 for the trip.

You now try to figure out what you need to do to compensate for the $27 you spent on that Office Depot visit you made last night.  At the same time, you're trying to coordinate all of your errands on your way to work so that you can take care of it all in one trip and save gas

You finally get dressed, grab a bite to eat for breakfast and head out the door.  As you watch your kid board the bus, you turn around and look at your car only to see that spare tire still on the back, left of your car and it's two more days until pay day. 

Some people live a life very similar to this.  Every day is a new struggle as they wake up to take on the world.  There's not enough money being paid on jobs and corporate greed is slowly strangling a lot of American citizens.  Married couples and co-parenting appear to be a dying breed.  So, one person is taking on so much responsibility when it comes to raising kids.  Simple things like school projects, gas, car maintenance, awful co-workers, or even sitting in traffic all build pressure within our minds.

If we don't find a way to release the pressure, then our heads will explode.  You can release that pressure by having a hobby.  Read a book, play an instrument, paint, jog, go fishing see a movie, whatever.  If that's not enough then talk to a friend to vent a little.

And if push comes to shove then absolutely do not hesitate to speak to someone qualified to help you find ways to reduce that stress.  Call (888) 866-7561 to reach the 24 hour stress counseling support line at CrisisSupport.org.  E-mail counselor and a friend of mine, Brandy J. Flynn, if you want more of a personal touch.  Talk to a life coach like Veronica Cuyugan to help prioritize your life if that's what is needed.

The bottom line is this: if you don't find a way to release that pressure then it will consume you.  I guarantee you that it will.  Seeking help is not a sign of weakness.  It's a sign of strength.  What's more embarrassing: losing your mind at work and curling up in the fetal position under your desk or speaking to someone in confidence who can help you roll with the punches until you get back on your feet?

Think about it, but don't take too long.  It's not a hard decision.  No one should have to live the above story everyday like a bad "Groundhog Day" sequel.  Take charge of your life by finding a way to free your mind.

Does Your Doctor Listen?

We've all been there. You go to the doctor and you walk up to that Fort Knox of a setup that the receptionists have. "What are they doing back there?" you wonder.

You knock on the glass only to be greeted by some pimply-faced college student who acts as if you disrupted a brain surgery in progress.  She pushes a clipboard towards you full of the same forms you've filled since you were old enough to visit a doctor on your own.

You sign in and you sit down in some chair only fit for those under 150 lbs. and you wait. The television is playing at a low volume with Closed Captioning scrolling to prevent you from reading the CNN news ticker (FOX News if you're in Mississippi).

You play Candy Crush until your lives run out. You surf Facebook until you get to yesterday's timeline. You flip through a People's magazine so old that Dudley Moore is on the cover. An hour and a half later, the nurse calls you back.  "Finally!" you say under your breath.

Now you're in the back and sitting in a cold room on top of a table that has about 24 square inches of real estate. It's more of a tray than a table. The rustling of the paper under your butt aggravates you to no end.  "At least I had a television to watch and magazines to read in the waiting room," you think to yourself.

15 minutes later the doctor strolls in as if you've only been waiting a few minutes.  He has two people come into the room with him.  He greets you and introduces the interns who are "shadowing" him for the day and then asks you what's wrong while he looks at some notes (probably for his next patient).  You respond with whatever your ailment is and he nods in agreement while he checks your ears and breaks out his trusty stethoscope.  "Breathe in....  Breathe out..." he says while staring into space.

He grabs his prescription pad and scribbles something for you that should get rid of your problem in a few days.  Just as quickly as he arrives he's gone.  The room gets so quiet so quickly that you start to wonder if he was ever really there in the first place.

You hop down from the table and accidentally pull apart half of the paper sheet that was underneath you.  You make your way to the cashier area to settle up on your bill.  The amount you pay depends on your insurance, but we'll just say that it's $30.  Almost two hours later you're back in your car wondering where you day went.

Has this happened to you?  I'm sure it has.  There's so much pressure on today's doctors to see patients that it lowers the level of care people receive from them.  The doctors generally get paid per patient, so if they don't see so many an hour then they don't do all that well in regards to salary.  Some doctors can see as many as 60 patients a day.  60!

I don't have a permanent doctor at the moment.  The last one I saw was actually at an MEA Clinic when I had lower back pains.  She was very nice and seemed more interested in me as a whole instead of just someone looking to push some drugs on me and get me out the door.  She has her own practice, so it's likely that I will give her a try soon.

Because when it comes to our bodies we should want someone who is truly interested in us.  Would you take your car to a mechanic who rushes through work?  Absolutely not!  Yet everyday thousands of us are putting our trust in doctors who may have good intentions, but don't have a lot of time.  Something needs to change in regards to how doctors are paid.  If someone needs 30 minutes of care and consultation then it shouldn't be the same pay as someone who may only need 10 minutes.

We're a long way from doctors who used to make house calls.  If you want to maximize your time with your doctor then be prepared before arrival.  Make use of that time in the waiting room and have your questions ready for when you finally get to see "Dr. Flash."

How can your doctor truly give you the care that you need if they're always in a rush?  

#T2Q's Toss Up Thursday, 1/30/14 (PHOTO)

Don't Let The Money Make You

Black people are always looking for role models and we have plenty in the world right in front of us. However, we don't want to make a movie about one unless they're an athlete, singer or actor. Uh, oh, I need to get on my soapbox for a minute.

(steps up)

Where are the movies about black doctors, counselors, teachers and people who make a real difference in the lives of millions? Why am I constantly bombarded with movies about black maids and butlers as if there aren't any black humanitarians? Why can't I watch an inspiring movie about a black person providing help instead of being "The Help?"

Let's think about some of the "black" movies for 2013: "Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain", Tyler Perry's "Temptation" and his movie, "We the Peeples", "Fruitvale Station," "42," "Haunted House" with the Wayans, and "After Earth."  Two comedies, two Tyler Perry flicks, a tragedy, a sports movie on racism and a sci-fi movie with Will Smith and his kid. Those are my options. No movie like the one on Steve Jobs. No "Great Gatsby."  No "Wolf of Wall Street."  Do you see what I'm saying?

People probably think that no one would watch it, but I disagree. Black people attend the movies probably more than any other race. It's not that we don't crave quality movies about role models, it's just that Hollywood won't make movies like that. In fact, we may only be a decade away from all black movies being complete foolishness at the theaters just like today's music is a joke on some of the mainstream radio stations.

Hollywood isn't going to make these movies. People like my man Archie in the Virgin Islands may some day, but he's not financially in a position to do that now to my knowledge. This is why people like Harry Belafonte get upset and preach about social responsibility. Because the black people capable of making this type of impact in society aren't interested in making a difference, they're only interested in making more money. So, since no one wants to be a leader in 2013, then black people who really matter in this country become irrelevant to society.

People are always quick to say "make that money, don't let the money make you." Well, that's what's been happening for the last 15-20 years. Now, what a person does with their money is their business, but what I say with my mouth is mine. And some things just need to be said.

People are letting the money "make them" by dictating everything they do or don't do on their next paycheck. "If I speak out against this group then I'll lose revenue." If you think this way, then make no mistake about it, the dollar is making you.

Back to the movies... I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with the movies that I named. I loved "42." I'm sure that I'll laugh at Kevin Hart's movie when I finally see it. I'll even watch "After Earth" once it reaches the $3 everything must go bin at Target.

I'm just saying that black people need some balance in America. We need some good to equal out the bad and the foolishness. For every Trinidad James we need a Kendrick Lamar. For every Shaunie O'Neal, we need a Kerry Washington. We can't have 20 reality shows of black women pulling out each other's weave to every one primetime drama.

If I were a white person who didn't personally know any black folks, I'd lock my doors every time I saw someone who even looked like they had a tan. Because the movies say if they're not working for me, then TV says that I should be afraid of them. All because we don't have representation.

I'm off my soap box now.

(steps down)

Look Closely At That Pay Check

Today is pay day for a majority of people across this country.  Well, be sure to look closely at that pay check.  You may notice a slight change in your take-home pay...

Despite not going "over the fiscal cliff," Americans are still going to notice some changes.  The Payroll Tax Cut, which cut 2% in taxes, ended 12/31/12.  That means that the Social Security Payroll Tax will be reinstated (go from 4% to roughly 6.2%).  What does it mean for you?  It means that an annual income of $50,000 will notice an additional $1,000 of taxes coming out of their pay checks in 2013.

Now, in all fairness, this is not a tax hike.  This is simply reinstating what we used to pay prior to the Payroll Tax Cut a few years ago in 2009.  So, FOX News, please don't fire up the "Obama is raising your taxes" cue cards just yet.  Enraging the masses to rebel against something that was already being paid a few years ago is nothing at all like a new tax increase.

On the flip side, some people may not care.  To most, 2% doesn't sound significant, but when you consider the stressful financial situations that some families have been experiencing as of late, to loosely quote V.P. Joe Biden, "it's a big 'effing' deal."  Using the example of a $50k household income, $1,000 per year in tax deductions is $38 every two weeks.  $38 every two weeks is $76 per month.  What does $76 pay in your household?  Your cell phone bill?  Gas for your commute to work?  Cable or internet costs, maybe?  Make no mistake about it, for some families, 2% is a huge deal.

We the People should always pay attention to what's going on in Washington.  I can visualize at least five people that I know who will be confused when they get their pay checks.  They don't pay attention to politics.  They think news is depressing, so they spend their time watching "entertaining" programming instead. 

I get that for someone who is maybe in their early 20's, but at what point do you grow up and pay attention to things that truly affect your life?  When do you turn off "The Bachelor" and turn on MSNBC or FOX News?

How in-tuned with politics are you?  Are news shows informative or depressing?  Is 2% significant?

Meet Me at the Cheesecake Factory!

"Meet me at the Cheesecake Factory!"

People are stupid. I mean really stupid. The older that I get, the more that I believe it. I remember when I was a teen how wise I used to think 20-somethings and 30-somethings were.

Boy, was I wrong. Not all of them were wise. I was just too dumb at the time to realize that they weren't smart. The D+ student is king in the land of F students, right?

But, here are some things that I don't understand about people: Why is it so difficult to avoid something that other people have fallen for? Vince Young is arguably the great college football player in the last 25 years. He was drafted very high in the NFL by the Tennessee Titans and made over $25 million dollars. In roughly six years, he's now out of football and on the verge of being broke.

How is this possible in today's society? Athletes have gone broke time-and-time again, yet you can't figure out how not to spend approximately $11,000 per day? Of course, Vince, like many athletes, blames his "management" for his losses, but let's take a look at how some of his money was spent, shall we?

Allegedly, he spent $5,000 per week at the Cheesecake Factory. Now, I know that the CF has great food, but $5k per week? Surely that amount has to be an exaggeration, but even if it's close, then that's still sad.  TGI Friday's named a drink after him after he dropped $6k in one night at one of their locations.

Next, it was reported that he once bought 127 plane tickets because he wanted to fly alone. Lucky for the 10 people who happened to purchase their tickets before Vince bought up all of the seats.

He drinks $600 shots of a liquor called Louis XIII on top of a rumor that he and LenDale White, a former teammate, drank 75 shots of Patron in 30 minutes.  If that's true, then that's probably why neither one of them are playing now.

A stripper said he dropped $50k in one night and so on and so on.  You get the point by now.  Another athlete's bank account bites the dust.  For some reason, some athletes just can't seem to realize that "buying the bar," going to strip clubs, having multiple babies by multiple women, purchasing excessive jewelry, cars, homes, etc. will all lead to "Would you like to Super Size your order, ma'am?"

How Is That Even Legal?

The Mrs. was watching television recently and came across this commercial. She paused it using the DVR and called me into the room. What I saw shocked me so much, that I decided to take a photo of it to share with you all. Click on the photo to the right and read the fine print. For those of you too lazy to do so, let me tell you what it says: "The APR for a typical loan of $5,000 is 116.73% with 84 monthly payments of $486.58."

Allow me to do the math for those of you too lazy to click on your calculator application: 84 payments of $486.58 is $40,872.72 that you will pay back for that $5,000 loan.

How is that even legal? If I get a loan from this company, I have to pay over $40k over the next seven years? Now do you see why voting matters in our country? Because we have a Congress who cares so little about their constituents that they would allow something like this to even exist?

Whoops! Maybe I just jumped the gun on that statement. I just read a little further on the fine print and it says that "Western Sky Financial, LLC, is a 100% Native American-owned business operating on a Native American Reservation." I guess that means they're untouchable to Congress then.

Looks like the Native Americans are getting their money back after having their land stolen, huh? :)