Being A Gentleman Is Lame

There's no shame in being nice to a woman. Chivalry is cool. But make no mistake about it, women don't care for old school gentlemen these days. If you overdo it with a woman and try to overly-impress her to win her affection then you're probably wasting your time.

Women in 2020 don't really want to be treated like a lady. That was cool in the 60's, but not so much now.  Women in 2020 are independent. They don't want another person to have to think for. Especially someone who is grown.

A woman wants a man who can be in charge. Not necessarily of her, but of himself and the situations he finds himself in. If something breaks, can he get it fixed? If the household suffers financially, can he pick up the slack? If she has a bad day, can he push the right buttons to make her forget about it?

Being a man isn't about being "nice". It's about being emotionally stronger than your woman and being her rock. She doesn't need to be treated her like she's fragile. She needs to be treated like she's important.

Fellas, Don't Spend More Than $15 for First Dates

I know that the ladies are looking at the title of this post with their mouths agape.  Sorry, ladies, but some of you all kind of brought this on yourselves.  It's too expensive these days to have an old school mentality in a new school world.  It's time for men's dating tactics to evolve just as women have.

At one point of my life, I could meet a woman that I liked and take her out on what was called "a proper date".  That would usually include dinner and drinks in which I would get the tab at the end of the evening.  This was how most relationships (or an attempt at one) started.  It may have been costly sometimes, but both parties were genuinely interested in getting to know one another.  So, it didn't feel like a huge loss if things didn't work out.

However, things are different these days.  Fellas, there are a lot of women out there who just want "something to do".  Sure, they may be interested in a relationship, but that doesn't mean that it has to be with you.  There are plenty of women who will go out with a guy they have no intention of ever dating.  They'll laugh, joke, and will probably even have a good time with you and then you won't hear from them again until their hungry.

There are a lot of "good enough" guys out here in society to keep these women occupied until they find the man that they actually want.  I decided years ago that I would no longer be that "good enough" guy.  If I'm not "the" guy then she can waste someone else's time on a Friday night.  There is always another woman, guys, so don't get so caught up on one who doesn't even want you.  If she comes at you wanting some lavish dinner from somewhere then you should question her motives.  Unless she's agreeing to go dutch.

If a woman is truly interested in a man then she will meet him for coffee or even frozen yogurt.  Because she values his time more than just what he can do for her.  And I won't hesistate to tell any young guy who will listen, "don't spend more than $15 for first dates."  Find out if you even like her or not (and if she likes you) before you spend your hard-earned money on someone who has your name saved in her phone under "Crab Legs".

Men's Guide to Preparing to Date

As a guy in my 40's, I won't claim to understand women.  "Women are to be loved, not understood" is what someone once said.  However, I've picked up on some things in my time on this planet to at least get a gist of what mature-minded women want.  And that's a man who does not "feel around in the dark" for lack of a better phrase.  Know where you're going and how to get there at all times, fellas.

So, I want to help the guys out there, who think they're ready for a relationship, get a to-do list together.

The first thing that you must do is be worthy of dating!

How often do dudes who are in the middle of some drama-filled ordeal, or unemployed and broke, or just not in the right place mentality, try to holla at a lady?  It doesn't make any sense.  It's like packing for a trip overseas without buying a plane ticket.  How are you getting there?

Make sure your house is in order before knocking on someone else's door, fellas.  You only have one mother, so make sure your life is at a place that doesn't require you to look for another one.  Be able to take care of yourself and a family before engaging a woman in something serious.

If she's over 30 years old, call more than you text.

I don't understand the entire "textationship" that some people enjoy.  Maybe because I value a line of communication that actually conveys emotion and inflection.  I'm not frowning on texting, but there's a time and place for it, if you ask me.  You can text later in the relationship as the two of you grow.  But I'd avoid overdoing it to start things off.

Let a woman hear your voice and see your face.  Allow her to learn your facial expressions and body language first and that will allow your messages to have personality.  It's easy to get the wrong impression of someone if you try to learn them via text.  You'll feel as if you know one another because of the volume of messages, but you'll find out that you really don't know each other at all.

Take charge and plan the date.

More times than not, ladies will allow a guy to take the reins and determine where the first date will be.  I am so surprised at how many guys I've met who do not know how to effectively plan a date with a woman.

• If you want to see her on Friday, then let her know on Monday.  Allow her time to make whatever arrangements she may deem necessary from pampering herself or making child care decisions.  It will also make it easier on you if you catch her before she makes plans to do something else.
• Know where you want to take her.  Let her know where you want to go so she can dress accordingly.  If she doesn't like the place, then she can always tell you.  And be mindful of anything that may negatively affect your dating plans.  If it's a holiday weekend and/or a really popular place, then make reservations.  If it's outdoors, then be mindful of the weather forecast.  Think things through.  Don't take her to a loud concert or a movie if you are still getting to know each other.  Take her somewhere you two can have a conversation without a lot of noise.
• Dress the part.  Make sure she's clear on where she's going so she can dress accordingly.  Do the same.  Don't show up at a 5-star restaurant dressed like you're going to a basketball game.  You'll have plenty of time to be casual around her, if all goes well.  In the meantime, show her that swag.
• Be on time.  I don't think that I even have to get an explanation for that one.
• Open doors, including car doors.  When you're on a date, then be a chauffeur.  Chivalry isn't a luxury.  It should be a way of life.
• Pay for the meal.  For the new age guys who want to feel things out before committing financially, meet her for coffee first.  But once you decide upon a dinner date, then treat her.  A woman usually spends money on a new outfit, hair, nails, etc., to look good for a date.  Don't compound her spending with making her pay for her own meal, too.
• Have a secondary location.  After dinner, the night may still be young.  Have another place in mind where the evening can continue in case you need it.  A nice spot overlooking a body of water, a quiet bar for after-dinner drinks, or something of that sort.

Hopefully, this will help some of you guys looking for something long-term with a special someone.  You have to have a plan for everything you take seriously.

Teach Young Males How to Talk to Women

Each day I get older, I see values that meant something to my parents get diluted or just flat-out ignored.  What's so depressing about it is that society is okay with it.  There aren't enough people to stand up and say "no, that's not how it's done."  I'm all for evolution of values, but not to the point of eradication.

So many of today's younger parents are just lazy or too focused on themselves to be bothered with raising the kids they brought into the world.  The end result is a society of young people who have absolutely no concept of the word "respect."  I used to think the lack of respect was limited to those roughly 30 years or younger, but I was wrong.  I've encountered people close to my age who have no concept of the word "respect."  Not even on a friendship level.

One thing that needs to be focused on is how some dudes talk to women.  There are some women who contribute to why guys can be disrespectful at times just by accepting the behavior.  I've met quite a few "bad guys" with "decent women" because the women condoned what the guys did.  But I don't think that a guy should allow a woman to dictate how he lives his life.  Even if a woman allows a man to be disrespectful doesn't mean that he should do it.  Being a man means doing the right thing regardless if doing the wrong thing is condoned or not.  Regardless of what your friends think.

Guys now tend to take the shortest route to sex.  That means that they will approach each woman the same way regardless of the woman.  She can be dressed like a stereotypical THOT or like an attorney, but he'll virtually approach her the same because guys now are taught "quantity" over "quality."  They won't waste their time trying to be the wolf in sheep's clothing.  They just come right out and let you know that they're a wolf.  If you don't like it then they've wasted what, 2 or 3 minutes with the "Say, Slim?" approach?  If you buy what they're selling then they know that they can probably get what they want out of you.

Those who know better need to teach them that it's wrong to take that approach.  That approach leads to heartaches and unplanned pregnancies with people you don't respect.  It's up to us, especially men, to teach younger guys that it's okay to chat up women, but be a man about it.  Understand that she's a mother, daughter, or sister to someone.  Know that women, despite what some cultures of society promotes, should be treated with dignity.

Society has changed both men and woman in so many ways.  Men are now becoming softer and more sensitive and woman are becoming harder and edgier.  That makes it difficult to approach relationships more than ever, but we each need to be responsible for our own gender.  We need to stop pointing fingers at what the other gender is/isn't doing and pay attention to our own.  Men need to raise boys and women need to raise girls.

It's just that simple.

Being Polite Isn't Flirting

How sad is it these days that when you're nice to someone they can get suspicious of you? Does everyone who does something for you want something in return other than a "thank you"?

Pretty much. That's the society that we've created in the United States. A bunch of selfish and entitled people who can't see past their own feelings. And as you can see, I'm disgusted by it.

I'm was walking in downtown Jackson recently and it was raining. The building that I was leaving had a cover over the front steps and I was about to walk across the street to a garage. However, the rain seemed to pour down rain even harder once I reached the bottom step.  I could barely see 15 feet in front of myself.

Luckily, I had my large umbrella with me and I opened it up and got ready to cross the street. A lady came out of the building without an umbrella and made her way down the steps to make a run for the garage through the rain. I asked her, "Would you like to use my umbrella? I'm rocking a bald head, so the rain won't bother me. I can just get it from you on the other side."

She turned up her lip as if she was offended by my gesture and said, "Why would you do that for me?"

Ignoring her negative demeanor, I replied sarcastically in question, "So that you don't get wet? You don't want to mess up your clothes, do you?"

She sat idly for a second as she appeared to be pondering the pros and cons. All while she looked at me as if I was playing some sort of con game on her. Before she could respond, I simply turned around and walked across the street with my umbrella. She may have said something to me as I walked off, but the rain was hitting my umbrella so hard that I couldn't make out if she did or not.

Look, I'm all for being cautious, but not to the point of paralysis. I asked her if she needed my umbrella not to get into a windowless van. She was so hesitant in her thinking that she probably thought that I was going to hit on her for allowing her to use my umbrella to cross the street. I didn't ask for her to get under my umbrella with me and walk together. I didn't ask for her name or number. I was simply trying to do what I thought was the right thing.

I'll give her the benefit of the doubt by saying that maybe she's had a ton of bad guys disrespect her to the point of skepticism.  I can halfway understand that and if that's the case then it's just a sad way to have to live a life.  A lot of people do want something for something.  Quid pro quo.  Not many do something for the sake of being generous of chivalrous.

Evidently that's so rare these days that people expect it to come with a cost. Unfortunately, it's her loss because when I drove by her on my way out of the garage she was soaked.