Managing Day-to-Day Stress

Your alarm goes off.  You hit the button and look at the clock.  It's 6:00 AM and Tuesday.  The first thing that hits your mind before your feet hit the floor is that you have a 1/4 tank of gas left.  You walk into the bathroom trying to wipe the sleep from your eyes.  You look in the mirror only to have your focus disrupted when your child reminds you of a field trip on Thursday.  She will need $10 for the trip.

You say, "okay" and now try to figure out what you need to do to accommodate that $10 for the field trip.  At the same time, you're trying to coordinate all of your errands on your way to work so that you can take care of it all in one trip and save gas.

You finally get dressed, grab a bite to eat for breakfast and head out the door.  As you watch your kid board the bus, you turn around and look at your car only to see that your back, left tire is on a flat.  You're almost brought to tears as you pop the trunk to get the spare.

Thirty minutes later the tire is changed and you're on your way to work a few minutes late.  Now you have to get your tire fixed on top of the $10 for the field trip and having to make it until Friday on 1/4 tank of gas.  You're going to skip lunch today because that's where your daughter's $10 for her trip will come from.

You get to work and your trifling coworker has been slacking and causing you more work.  You can't say anything to him because his uncle is the boss at your branch.  He pretty much has a lifetime immunity at the job despite the fact that he's non-productive.  You have to smile and deal with his shenanigans.  

After a full day of work, you're hungry due to skipping lunch, but it's only three minutes until quitting time.  Your day is almost over!  But, your desk phone rings.  It's an irate client and he keeps you on the phone for an additional 30 minutes after quitting time.

You finish up at work and finally head home.  Traffic is bad, but it gives you an opportunity to figure out a game plan for dinner.  Is there enough in the refrigerator to generate a decent meal or will you need to stop by the store?  You decide to head on home and cook what's there.  You've made something out of nothing before.

You arrive home, cook, eat, and finally sit down for the evening.  It's 7:30 PM and you just want to watch some TV and unwind until your daughter comes in the room with that look she gives when she's in trouble.  Her science project is due tomorrow and she needs some supplies from Office Depot.

You do everything within your power to not curse as you grab your shoes and keys to take her to the store.  You've told her time-and-time again not to wait until the last minute, but she's a kid.  That's what they do.  If you only had a spouse to help manage things it would be so much easier.  But, it's just you and your daughter.

After coming back from Office Depot and spending $27 that you really didn't have, you start her on the project and eventually make your way towards the bedroom.  It's almost 9 PM and you're exhausted.  You plop on the bed and before you know it, you're out like a light...

Your alarm goes off.  You hit the button and look at the clock.  It's 6:00 AM and Wednesday.  The first thing that hits your mind before your feet hit the floor is that you have less than a 1/4 tank of gas left.  You walk into the bathroom trying to wipe the sleep from your eyes.  You look in the mirror only to have your focus disrupted when your child reminds you of a field trip tomorrow.  You give her $10 for the trip.

You now try to figure out what you need to do to compensate for the $27 you spent on that Office Depot visit you made last night.  At the same time, you're trying to coordinate all of your errands on your way to work so that you can take care of it all in one trip and save gas

You finally get dressed, grab a bite to eat for breakfast and head out the door.  As you watch your kid board the bus, you turn around and look at your car only to see that spare tire still on the back, left of your car and it's two more days until pay day. 

Some people live a life very similar to this.  Every day is a new struggle as they wake up to take on the world.  There's not enough money being paid on jobs and corporate greed is slowly strangling a lot of American citizens.  Married couples and co-parenting appear to be a dying breed.  So, one person is taking on so much responsibility when it comes to raising kids.  Simple things like school projects, gas, car maintenance, awful co-workers, or even sitting in traffic all build pressure within our minds.

If we don't find a way to release the pressure, then our heads will explode.  You can release that pressure by having a hobby.  Read a book, play an instrument, paint, jog, go fishing see a movie, whatever.  If that's not enough then talk to a friend to vent a little.

And if push comes to shove then absolutely do not hesitate to speak to someone qualified to help you find ways to reduce that stress.  Call (888) 866-7561 to reach the 24 hour stress counseling support line at CrisisSupport.org.  E-mail counselor and a friend of mine, Brandy J. Flynn, if you want more of a personal touch.  Talk to a life coach like Veronica Cuyugan to help prioritize your life if that's what is needed.

The bottom line is this: if you don't find a way to release that pressure then it will consume you.  I guarantee you that it will.  Seeking help is not a sign of weakness.  It's a sign of strength.  What's more embarrassing: losing your mind at work and curling up in the fetal position under your desk or speaking to someone in confidence who can help you roll with the punches until you get back on your feet?

Think about it, but don't take too long.  It's not a hard decision.  No one should have to live the above story everyday like a bad "Groundhog Day" sequel.  Take charge of your life by finding a way to free your mind.

Are Online Job Sites A Sham?

Something just isn't right about the job market.  There's something extremely different about it now in comparison to 5+ years ago that's not sitting well with me.

I lost my full-time job of five years back in January 2013.  It was the best job I'd ever had in regards to the pay and the people I worked with daily.  I had a cool, yet effective, boss and some of the greatest co-workers a guy could ask for on any job.  However, a "financial decision" was made and 50 people lost their jobs.  Two months later we all got to read about the CEO of our company getting a $29.9 million dollar compensation (up 37% from the previous year).  He could have paid everyone in my office $100,000 a year for two years and still had roughly $20 million left over.

But, that's not my gripe (although I felt the need to mention it - LOL).  I don't think that anyone should be required to share their money.  But, I do think that it's morally wrong to take food off of people's tables so that you can turn $13 million into $30 million.  But what does this country care about morals anyway?  That's a blog post for another day.

I'm wondering about the job market itself and how employment rates are down yet opportunities are still not there.  When I searched for a new job I found so many openings, for which I was qualified, on multiple websites.  According to the e-mails that I saved with each online application, I applied for over 200 jobs in a three month period and only received five phone interviews and three in-office interviews.  This doesn't even include the times in which I applied for jobs in-person. 

How could there be so many listings yet so few responses?

After the first 50 or so non-responses to my online applications, I got some help from a friend and changed up my resume.  I did get my first phone call after doing that, but it was just that.  A phone call.  I continued to fill out applications on multiple sites and not get any responses aside from generic auto-emails.

I've never had a problem getting jobs in my life until last year.  Since January 2013, I've only had one company contact me about a job doing in what I'm most experienced in.  I didn't even reach out to them.  They contacted me!  Unfortunately for me that job was in South Carolina and I had no desire to move.  Luckily, I finally had someone give me an opportunity to work for them, but wasn't in the field of my previous experience.  

What are these online sites doing?  They're supposed to make it easier for people to get a job.  It's one thing to be turned down after an interview, but to not even get an interview?  I'm not bragging, but my resume isn't all that bad.  I have a wealth of experience in a lot of different fields.  I've been promoted in three of the last four full-time jobs in which I've had.  I've received performance bonuses at every single full-time job I've had since 1995.  Every one.  I've only missed work on my full-time jobs on two occasions since 2002 aside from three bereavement leaves (grandmother, mother, wife): when my late wife found out she had been diagnosed with breast cancer (2002) and when I had tore my patella tendon and required surgery (2011).  So, I'm efficient and reliable.

Are online job sites a scam?  Are they marketing your information to other sites and quick-fix educational institutions?  I don't have an answer and maybe some of you out there can shed some light on the subject.  I'm starting to think that the reason there are so many job sites online is because very few of them are on the up-and-up.

Do you think that online jobsites like Monster, Indeed, or CareerBuilder are scams?

Where is Your Work Ethic?

I'm no longer the ball of energy that I once was in my 20's.  When I was 27 years old, I had a full-time job and two part-time jobs.  All of them were Monday through Friday.  So, I got up at 430 AM each day and usually made it home around 1030 PM or midnight depending on the day of the week.  I worked that crazy schedule for a year to pay off credit card debt as well as have some spending cash for partying.  I had at least two jobs from 1997 until 2006.  I wanted to eliminate debt and stockpile a savings so that when I got older life would be easier.  I knew that it was hard work, but I was willing to do it to better myself  and better my position. A lot of people don't have the same mindset these days...

Today, people want things the easy way.  They're not always willing to sacrifice their time and energy to better themselves.  They essentially want "something for nothing."  Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand why this is the norm now.  It's now the norm because people are able to do just that.  Get "something for nothing."

We see it with our children.  Kids have electronics that cost parents thousands per year and for what?  Well, we parents say it's for their safety.  "Little Johnny needs to be able to call home."  To me, that's translation for: "his friend has an iPhone, so we have to get him one so that he doesn't feel bad."

We see it in adults.  Guys don't have to display much chivalry and/or class to get sex from a woman now.  Why?  Because there are so many thirsty women who have little-to-no requirements to give it up.  Would you work for something that's being thrown at you?  "Yes, Johnny does cheat and sell drugs, but he can change if he becomes a father."  Translation: "I don't think that I can do any better than him."

SMH.  But, it all starts with the children.  Because today's children are tomorrow's adults, so if you fix the kids then the rest will fix itself.  Make them earn what they get.  Make them get good grades.  Make them do chores.  Make them respect themselves so that they may learn to respect others and we can nip this thing in the bud.

America needs to put a hard hat and some work boots on more than any other country right now.  Stop allowing this laziness to go on when you have the power to fix it yourself.

Are you ashamed at how lazy we've become in society?

Who's Your Modeling Agency? Instagram?

I see so many models ladies on the web showing off for the camera.  They think that because they take "back shots" or show some skin that the 1,000 male followers they have makes them something they're not.  I know, I know, some of you are saying, "Q, why are you being so hard on these ladies?"  Well, it's because of what I encountered recently.

I received an e-mail from a young lady who wanted to be on my radio show.  She has over 2,000 followers on Twitter and almost 2,000 on Instagram.  I won't post any of her photos or give her name, but her "portfolio" basically consists of photos of her in nightclubs drinking from a champagne glass and flirting with the camera.

The young lady is attractive and her outfits don't look bad, but I can't help her.  I've had a video vixen on my show before and not only was she good-looking, she was also a theater major.  She also had an agent which said to me that she was serious about her career.  It was a pleasure to interview her as opposed to potentially talking to someone who hasn't made a dime (to my knowledge) off of her "work."

Models are in the business of advertising a product.  Don't think that Brooklyn Decker is in Sports Illustrated simply to show off her boobs.  She's selling those bikinis that you see her in.  Swimsuit companies pay her good money to make their products look desirable.

I'm all for promoting people who are trying to gain as much exposure for their craft as possible.  However, having a bunch of horny guys following you doesn't make you Sofia Vegara.  Photos of you drinking something "top shelf" in a swanky nightclub don't make you Gisele Bündchen either.

People, stop it.  I'm all for having fun, but just stop it.  You don't have 1,000+ followers because people think you're the next Tyra Banks.  You have 1,000+ followers because you're half-naked in every other photo.

Please learn the difference.

Going Back to Cali

(written on 10/10)

I'm in pain as I type this. My upper shoulder area was sore prior to going to bed last night and now it feels as if Jason Statham just kicked me in the neck. I guess I need a firmer pillow and not one you can fold and put in your pocket. Anyhoo, I'll get over it.

Last week, The Mrs. and I spent Sunday-to-Sunday in Carlsbad (San Diego), CA for her birthday. Not only did we have a great and relaxing time, I also slept much better than I did last night (the pillows were firm at the SeaPointe Resort)!

The one thing that I did gain even more perspective on, while vacationing there, was the value of hard work. I met and unofficially interviewed almost every housekeeping and maintenance employee at our resort. To hear them talk about the jobs situation in America was fascinating to me.

One person in particular that I met was a housekeeper named Caridad was from Mexico. She has been in the states for most of her adult life (I'm guessing she was mid-20's). I asked her, "if I were to move to Carlsbad, would I have a problem finding a job?"

She replied, "office job?"

"No, just a good job." 

"There are plenty of good jobs here, but a lot of people only want desk jobs."

Intrigued, I followed, "why is that?"

"I don't know. Americans don't like to sweat."

Of course, she followed that statement with a nervous laugh to try not to offend me. I wasn't offended at all. I knew exactly what she meant. American-born people tend to want things easy when it comes to the job. I remembered my days of working in a cell phone company's call center and seeing people complain about being "tied to the phones."

But, every other day at the resort, I watched a 50-something Hispanic woman rake even rows in the sand of a beach volleyball area. It took her 20-30 minutes to erase all of the footprints, but she did it and made sure that the rows were even.

I recall wanting some more towels for our bedroom and watching Caridad run to retrieve them. When she returned, I asked her why did she run and she simply replied, "to get them to you faster."

Really? Who does that?  Was it because I was nice to her and I spoke to her daily or just because she understands the real meaning of customer service?

Don't get me wrong. We all complain about our jobs at some point. Mainly over the people we deal with more so than the job, but we complain nonetheless.  I'm sure that even LeBron James wishes he could stay in bed late some days instead of going to the gym. Even a male photographer for Playboy Magazine probably gets tired of packing luggage to go all over the world for nude photo shoots.  Well, maybe I'm reaching there.

From the Filipino woman at the airport named Tess, who was very helpful, to the Pacific Islander Seapointe Resort front desk attendant named Olga, who had the most pleasant of attitudes, I learned something: I learned that we have people, born and raised, in this country capable of being hard workers. The difference between the U.S. and the places where these particular employees originated is the culture.

We don't teach the value of hard work like we once did. So many people have rapped/sang, ran/jumped and sex-taped their way to financial freedom that a lot of us just wait on our "big break" instead of creating it. Do you know how many kids that I know who want to be a singer/rapper, basketball/football player, reality star, etc.? A lot more than when I was in school, that's for sure.

The point that I'm trying to make is that people aren't born lazy. We're turned into lazy bums by enablers. We have companies (insert fast food restaurant here) who hire "warm bodies." Some companies could care less if you're nice to the customers.  They just need you to flip the burgers and take the money.

We have parents who do everything for their children. "Helicopter parents" who hover over their child and won't let him/her do anything on their own.  And then other people have to deal with their children once they become "adults."

We have the media who portray sluts, slackers and drunks as idols.  No need to have talent!  Just do something really stupid that people will talk about on Twitter.

Where did we go wrong? (Sigh)

I enjoyed our vacation in Carlsbad.  I hope that some day we'll be going back to Cali for another stay.  I not only enjoyed the weather and sights there, but I also learned that there are people in this country who still take pride in their work.

It's just that must of them weren't born here...

Are we too far gone as a culture to restore a hard-working attitude back into the U.S.?

Adult In Size Only

No pride in self/work

We all have those co-workers who come to work just for a pay check. The people who do just enough to get by and keep their job. Have you ever thought what causes a person to be that way? If not, then you're probably that person.

I had a sign on my bedroom door as a child, courtesy of my mom, that stated: "It's never enough time to do it right, but always enough time to do it over."

That sign was part of the fundamentals instilled in me that you have to be careful and precise when doing things (although The Mrs. may think otherwise of me). Everyone doesn't believe that. Some people find excuses to not be the best they can be.

Maintaining leverage in the relationships

It's amazing the amount of manipulation that goes on with grown people. No wonder the urban slang "having game" means "knowing how to handle the opposite sex". Because to some, a "game" is all that it is.

We all know that some women may withhold sex from their man as a way to get what they want. Men will string women along just to give them hope that a dead-end relationship will some how flourish.

Some people in relationships try to have an edge on their significant other. Either one or both feels as if they have to have an advantage on the other. That's what's wrong with most relationships. We want to be the person holding all of the cards. We try to buy our partners. We try to (sexually) whip our partners. We even have children to try and trap our partners which actually leads to my next item...

No concept of parenting

A lot of the problems stem from split households. People don't see the importance of marriage these days and as a result, the kids are being raised with one parent while the other just has visitation (if they come around at all). One parent actually plays the role of a parent while the other tends to play the role of the best friend. This doesn't work at all. If parents aren't a united front, then kids will manipulate them like a pimp does a ho. If you can't get along and be on the same page as the person you laid down and had a baby with, then you need a hug. In order to restore parenting to where it once was, we need to restore marriage to where it once was. There's a difference between a "wife/husband" and a "wifey/hubby:" one raises children and the other has children.




Yeah, I said it. What?

- You give a lackluster effort on your job yet feel the need to curse out someone at McDonald's for forgetting your fries.

- You lie to someone saying that you love them because you don't want them to leave you before you're ready to truly commit.

- You tell your son he's now "The Man of the House" because you've failed to find someone to truly fit the position.

It's time to stop being an adult in size only.




.

Gave It 100% on the Job

I can't stand people in the business world who don't give their all. From a fry cook at McDonald's to CEO of Bank of America, if you are a slacker, then you are just a slacker. It doesn't matter the income.

It's crazy how someone working at a fast food restaurant gets an attitude. "Man, skip this! Boss man told me last night that if I didn't tighten up, he was going to have to cut my hours. I can do his job better than him if I wanted. I think I'm going to quit because he's disrespecting me."

How are you going to be a good manager if you can't even flip burgers right?

Why do people think they can half-do the entry level positions and still get promoted to the upper-level positions in management? People think that even if you're mediocre that years of service alone entitles them to something? Nah, it doesn't work like that.

I worked in the collections department for AT&T back in '02. I didn't like the job at all, but I was a top five money collector for most of my time in that department. Despite the fact that I disliked calling people's home asking for them to pay their cell phone bill, I was one of the best at it. I gave it 100% on the job.



Eventually, I got moved into another position which has led to the work I do today for another company. Not only did those dreadful days of collections prepare me for future opportunities, it also gave me a greater appreciation for the job that I do now.

Now, I know that everyone is different, but that doesn't change the fact that some people just don't get it. If all you do is complain on your job, then why would anyone want to bump you up to a more important position? If you're always late for work, then why would someone think that you could manage someone else's attendance?

Is it safe to say that today's youth (20-29 years old) feel a little more entitled than my generation did? Is it the fact that every kid got a trophy just for participating? Maybe it's the lack of red ink used when grading homework because it "looked harsh."

Whatever the reason, I cringe at the thought of who will be running the White House 20 years from now.

(dialing phone)



President Slacker: "Hello, Saudi Arabian President? We're all out of oil in the U.S. We used the last of it to fill a tarpit for a "Jurrasic Park" remake. Uh, can we borrow some more oil?"

Saudi: "Borrow? There will be none of that. What goods do you have to trade?"

Slacker: "Well, we don't make anything any more. We sent that hard work overseas because our mothers told us we didn't have to do that stuff if we didn't want. (Awkward silence) Uh... I can do the Dougie!"

Saudi: "Your silly dances from 2010 don't amuse me, President Slacker. It's 2030 and you're the only country that still uses oil for energy. Why is that?"

Slacker: "Yeah. You see, what had happened was... The guys responsible for researching energy really aren't qualified, but they got promoted because they have worked for us for a long time. I've been around almost a full term, too! I've been president for three years! I don't get anything for that?"

Saudi: (Click)

Slacker: "Hello? Hello?"