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Some Women Can't Help It

What can someone with her shape wear?

Some women can't help the way they're built.  Genetics control your starting point and although you can exercise (or not), you basically are what your parents' DNA decide that you are.  For some women the DNA decides that they are curvaceous.

So, how does that play out in the work place?  Most of Corporate America have dress policies and some of the requirements are strict.  Yet some women can comply to the dress code yet still raise some eyebrows because of their shape.

I've seen on two or three different occasions where a coworker of mine from a previous job got sent home for wearing what was deemed "inappropriate."  But the consensus of the office was that there was nothing wrong with what she had on.  It was how she looked in her outfit that prompted management to react.  So, what is a curvy woman to do?

Look at the photo to the right.  She's in great shape (yoga instructor) and has dangerous curves.  Her dress fits her, but I wouldn't consider it tight.  Should she buy her clothes a size too big to keep the peace in the office?

What about people who aren't curvy who can wear what they want?  Is that fair to someone who has an hourglass shape?

I think not.  As long as a woman isn't wearing an inappropriate material (ex. leather), nightclub attire, skin tight outfits, etc., then leave her alone.  Some people are just attractive and can't help being a distraction in the workplace.  It's not fair to let an Ann Coulter type wear what she wants, but then get upset when Vida Guerra looks curvy in something similar.

I understand that Corporate America doesn't want their employees going goo-goo, gaa-gaa over each other.  Nothing would get done and sexual harassment law suits would go through the roof.  But, you have to be mindful of what you're suggesting to people when you discipline someone for having curves.  It may send a better message by not singling someone out because they have a DD bra size or 42 inch hips.  It's just not right.

To some it borderlines racism given that most black and hispanic women tend to be curvier than others, but that's beside the point.  There are plenty of women of all races who have hourglass shapes.  The point is: don't make them feel bad because they look good.

Some people just can't tone down their sexy.

"Thick" or "Fat"? #BodyTypes

There's always been a debate every since the justification for extra pounds was created.  Back in the day you were either skinny, average, or fat.  Fast forward to 2014 and there are all kinds of way to categorize body types, but the one that seems to be the most misinterpreted is "thick."

Being "thick" falls in between being average and being fat.  It's a word that started in the African-American communities to justify the curviness of the average black woman.  Black people didn't like being categorized by white Americans' standard so "thick" was created.  After all, we black men tend like a little more meat on the bone than white guys.  However, I do think that things are changing and Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez are the reasons why.  This lovely honey on the right here would have been considered "fat" by most people's standards back in the early-to-mid 90's, but today she's "thick" or "curvy."

But, where do you draw the line?  Where does "thick" become "fat"?

Like beauty, size is a matter of interpretation.  There is no universal standard.  It's all about what you prefer.  I prefer curves, so although the actual weight doesn't matter to me, I do pay attention to what's proportionate.  And I think that's the standard that a lot more people are following today.  Is there some resemblance to an hourglass shape?

You can find 100 guys and ask them to take a look at the photo to the right and it may result in 50 each saying "thick" or "fat" depending on their preference.  There's someone for everyone, so in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter.

However, I'll give you my definition of what makes someone "thick" and what makes them "fat."  Well, I can't say that it's my definition since I found the photo on the web, but I'll just say that I agree with it.  The photo below appears to be an accurate depiction of what I consider the difference between the two categorization of sizes.

The person on the left would fall into the "fat" category because a lot of her weight is above the waist line.  The "thick" lady gets that label because her weight is carried in her hips and thighs which to me is an attractive quality.

I'll post a few more photos below and you can comment and let me know which ones you consider "thick" and which ones you consider "fat."  At the end of the day, it doesn't matter.  If you're a woman and you feel comfortable and healthy, then do you.  If you're a guy then go for whatever floats your boat.  There's no wrong answer here.

Comment according to letters.  This is Person "A."

B

C

You may recognize person D.

E

Anyone of these in F considered fat?

At What Age Should A Woman Stop Being Sexy?

I came across this question in a Facebook group called "Love and Relationships" and I figured I'd dive into the topic. Some women thrive on their sex appeal. It gives them confidence and just a good overall feeling. However, Father Time is undefeated and at some point takes over. For some people it's earlier than others, but inevitably, it happens. Let's just focus on the average person and keep the Morgan Fairchilds and Tina Turners out of it.

They pushed being sexy well into their 60's. Being a "hot mom" or a "bangin' dad" is all the rage these days. Don't let those people in the gym fool you. Sure, they're maintaining or improving their health, but they want to look good, too. I've heard people describe "sexy" as a state of mind. If that's the case, then there isn't a preferred age to go conservative.

Guys, we have it easy.  All we have to do is throw on a suit and ladies think we're sexy if it fits right.  Look at Sean Connery, Denzel Washington, and men like that.  They may be older, but women still dig them because of either looks, wardrobe, riches, or a combination of those.  Women, on the other hand, have a different task when it comes to being older...

Women have to contend with something that men do not when it comes to their appearance: criticism from the same sex.  Men don't judge each other like women and because of that there's no pressure to try and outdo the next man.  Women do feel this pressure and that's why cosmetic surgery is a huge business!

On top of having to outshine their peers, they also have to try to keep the younger women at bay.  That fuels the fire for a lot of older women who wish to keep themselves up and be happy with themselves in regards to their look.  However, what happens whenever someone dresses a lot younger than their age?  Is it embarrassing to see a woman well past her prime rocking a short shirt and tube top?

At what age should a woman stop being sexy (if ever)?

A Hairy Situation

Click to enlarge or right-click to open full page

Guys are very visual when it comes to women.  Some of us are very particular when it comes to the opposite sex.  We have things that we like.  We have things that we love.  But, we also have things that are deal breakers.

Deal breakers differ from guy to guy, but a lot of us have very similar things that we just don't like to see on a woman.

Take a look at the lady to the right in the photo.  She's an attractive lady and is in great shape.  However, if you enlarge the photo then you will see that she has fine hair covering most of her body.

Would that be an issue for some dudes?  Ladies, how do you feel about it?  Is it a good look or not?

All of us have imperfections that we have to deal with in some shape, form or fashion.  Fat guys have man boobs.  Some dudes have baby-making hips.  Some women have big hands/feet.  Some women don't have any (feminine) curves.

You should never judge a book by its cover, but let's be honest: we generally do.  However, is it different if it's something that a person has control over or not?

Recently, Madonna released a photo that shows that she doesn't shave under her arms.  She hashtagged it #LongHairDontCare which is absolutely hilarious.  However, how do you feel about the photo?  Does it not matter to you?  Is it repulsive?

If Madonna wasn't a multi-million dollar celebrity would this be a deal breaker for a majority of guys who may have wanted to approach her?  Would it also make them consider that she may be hairy in another place on her body?

I know that I run the risk of a feminist group coming down on me for even posting about women and body hair.  I'm not saying what Madonna has done is somehow wrong or anything like that.  People should be attracted to others based on personal preference and not worldly preferences.

How do you feel about women who are hairy in non-traditional places?

#LongHairDontCare

#T2Q's Toss Up Thursday, 4/3/14 (PHOTO)

#T2Q's Toss Up Thursday, 3/20/14 (PHOTO)

All Wives Are Trophy Wives

How many times have you heard the term "she's a trophy wife?"  It's supposed to mean that she's "for show" like a brand new car or something.  Something to go on the man's arm to give him a look of success.  "Street cred" or "Board Room Cred" or whatever you wish to call it.  It's showing her off in a physical way.  But, let's take this concept a little deeper, shall we?  Aren't all wives "trophy wives?"  If not, then you married the wrong woman, bro!

A trophy is something you show off because you're proud of it.  It shows a personal achievement.  Isn't that how we should view our significant other?

If you don't feel as if you've accomplished something when you marry a woman then she's not worthy of being your wife.  Period.  We all want someone who makes us look good and it doesn't have to be in a physical sense although that's apart of it for some.  A wife can make you look good by projecting a side that you as a husband want the world to see.  When people are impressed with her then they're impressed with you!  That's just how it works and not just for the man either.  The two represent each other.  But, since I'm a dude, I'm going to give my perspective.  If some of my lady readers want to take a shot at what they may call a "trophy husband" then have at it.

You can have a woman who looks like Meagan Good, but a man should appreciate her as a mother.  And just about any guy who didn't have an abusive mom loves her to death, right?  As the nurturer of the children, she represents so much more than just being a parent.

She is the first love of any person born into this world.  Once a mother embraces her child then a bond is created that should be stronger than almost anything in this world.  Being a mother is being the essence of life.  Why do you think that we refer to this planet as "Mother Earth" or the climate as "Mother Nature?"  Nothing can thrive in life and truly reach its potential without the care of a mother.

She's the beginning of existence and that within itself is the greatest trophy of all.

She can look like Stacy Keibler, but a man should appreciate her as a scholar.  Her education can benefit the man in so many ways.  It could lead to her creativity as a designer when it comes to the home or her fashion.  Her ability to think outside the box can lead to a style of her own that people will find an appreciation for in some shape, form or fashion.

It can also mean more money in the household if she is a driving force in Corporate America.  After all, "higher learning equals higher earning," right?  A woman who is smart and self-sufficient is something that should make any man proud.

She can look like Lucy Liu, but she should also be appreciated for generating a lady-like aura.  You can recognize a real woman when she enters the room.  She's not concerned with who is looking and why.  She projects confidence, style and elegance.  How she speaks and carries herself is worth just as much as her beauty.

Grace and poise is something that was once a staple when it comes to raising a woman, but it's not as cherished as the days of old.  So many people fail to raise women to be women these days.  Having a wife who mesmerizes the room with her grace and poise like a young Elizabeth Taylor is something to make a man puff out his chest with pride.

It makes sense to want her on your arm because of how she makes you feel when other people see and talk to her.  Looks fade unless you're Lena Horne.  Being a trophy wife should be more than just a man with an attractive woman.  Unless you want a marriage that is as shallow as you are.

Do you think that being a trophy wife means more than just looking the part?

Ladies, Your Bodies Are Perfect!

Too often ladies in relationships have complained about their looks.  I get that.  We men are visual creatures, so we appreciate good-looking women.  But, some women take things too far.  You buy into what they're selling on TV and in the magazines and you short-change yourself.

Don't do it.

First of all, I'm not saying don't exercise or anything like that.  Exercise has benefits for what's inside your body as much as it does your outside.  It is very important, but don't think it should be a full-time job and lose hair over it.  Besides, if you're in a relationship, then the only person you should focus on pleasing (besides yourself) is your mate.

If your significant other is happy, then why get depressed over how your body looks?  Sure, it helps to be happy with yourself, but your significant other is supposed to make you feel sexy.  If they're doing their job, then there's no need to stress about losing a few pounds or having a rounder butt or whatever it is that you think you need.  Besides, many women only need "enhancements."

• Maybe your makeup doesn't compliment you.  You don't want to look like Ronald McDonald.
• It could be that you don't wear clothes that truly fit your body type.  Can't shop at Wet Seal with a Lane Bryant body.  
• It's possible that you need to step your shoe game up.  Sneakers probably shouldn't be an everyday option for women over 21.

There are plenty of "tweaks" that most women can make that can significantly enhance their look.  I've seen too many examples of "the girl next door" turning into a Hollywood starlet almost over night.  That could be you if you simply take time to honestly evaluate yourself to determine what would accent your look.

Don't stress.  Don't spend money on unnecessary surgeries.  Don't kill yourself in the gym.

A lot of you may not think that you have the perfect body, but you're perfect for someone and that is what's important!  Embrace what you have and if you need to "fine tune" yourself, then do so.  But, be happy with who you are and stop letting society dictate what is beautiful.

A good man wants a good woman.  If she looks like a model, then great, but the main thing is that she's good for him.  We do want you to look good, but we only care about our standards.  My lady doesn't have to be a perfect 10.  She just has to be perfect for me.

Do we put way too much focus on trying to look like what we see on TV and magazine covers?

Don't believe the hype.

Can A Mate Veto Your Outfit?

It's Friday night and you've just finished up a long week of work. Your significant other calls you and wants to go out for a night of dining and dancing. You look in the closet and reach towards the back for that special outfit your mate has never seen. You put it on and you feel sexier than Marilyn Monroe at a JFK function.

Your mate arrives at your house and you open the door all the way so that they can take in a good view of your outfit. Your mate smiles in appreciation but then quickly says, "you're not wearing that."

 (record scratch) 

Is it wrong for your mate to say that you're "dressed too sexy" if you look like Pamela Anderson at a rave?  Is it wrong for your mate to say that you're "humiliating them" by wearing the same outfit Burt Reynolds did in "Smokey & The Bandit?"

I have only experienced this dilemma once in my life. I was dating a girl and I thought that she was very attractive. She had a booty that just wouldn't quit. She had more cheeks than a chipmunk with the mumps.

Anyhoo, we were going out to a nightclub (which I didn't like doing with women) and I went to pick her up. She came out of the house in what was basically a cat suit. Of course, I was stunned because she did look amazing in it, however, I thought about how many other people would think she'd look amazing in it as well. I mean, we're talking about a woman whose measurements were 38-26-OMG! So, I'm thinking about how many guys I may possibly have to "defend her honor" against if they try to get too aggressive.

I simply came out and told her that although I wanted to see that outfit later, that I thought it would cause too much of the wrong attention from guys. She understood and went back inside to change. I got lucky. No arguing. No drama. I breathed a sigh of relief because I didn't expect things to go over so smoothly.  Was it my tone?  My approach?  Or did she already have reservations about the outfit and just needed a tie-breaking vote?

Was I right to question what she had on at all? Should I have allowed her, as an adult, to wear what she thought was appropriate / comfortable for her? Or did I do right to speak my mind and express my feelings?  Shouldn't we be representing each other if we're going out as a couple? Regardless if an outfit is too sexy or if it should have been left back in 1975, can you state your case against it?  What would you do (or what have you done) in this position?



Fair or foul: Can a mate veto your outfit?

"So, let's set the world on fi-ya!  We can burn brighter!  Than the suunnnnnnn!"

Lessons From France

I hate giving disclaimers, but given that some people rarely read these days, I must. We've become so accustomed to 140 characters or less and status updates, that paragraphs are just a haze. Because of that, we sometimes form opinions of something within seconds of reading the intro. That's why I'm giving this disclaimer: I am a black man and I love black women. Simple enough?

Now you're really curious on what I have to say, aren't you? :)

Who would guess that the U.S. could learn a few lessons from France? A country that is the butt of so many U.S. jokes is far more progressive than the U.S. could ever imagine. France seems to have a better grasp on race relations. They even ignore race when it comes to their census only seeing people as "French" instead of white, black, etc.  Does this mean that there is no bigotry in France?  Absolutely not.  But at least there is something that resembles unity with everyone being considered "French."  We still choose to remain White, African-American, Asian-American, Latino, etc.  Ironically, the only places we're really considered "Americans" are outside of the U.S. How sad is that?

Because of France's views on race, they're having a huge problem with the 1st "Miss Black France" pageant that's upcoming. Now, the promoters are arguing that the pageant is a good thing. They say it's going to shine the light on black women who lack media attention. Does having a contest force the media to cover it? If so, then I'm going to start a Common Sense Pageant (if I can find enough people to qualify).

If enough black women don't think they're being represented in the "Miss France" pageant, is joining a "Miss Black France" fixing anything? I have concerns with this. Representation can some times cause separation. If someone started a "Miss White France" pageant, then Al Sharpton would be on the next Concorde flight over to Paris.  Stop it.  Stop separating yourselves and sending subliminal messages that "you're not good enough" because you are good enough.  Anyone of any race can win any beauty pageant as long as the voting is unbiased.  If you feel as if you're not winning because of the voting, then fight to change judges, not pageants.

It’s definitely a “white man’s world,” but having a separate pageant won’t fix anything if you ask me. That’s like starting a new basketball league because the NBA won’t draft you. It’s your prerogative, but it’s still not the NBA. It’s well within the rights of of the black ladies to participate in their own competition, but I think it would be more productive to protest the Miss France competition.

I’d rather fight to desegregate than separate if I’m going to fight at all. 


Does it matter if pageants are separated by race?

TQ Presents... @According2Jewls

I generally try to put out three blog posts per week, but from time-to-time, I get caught up with other things: The Mrs., work, football, etc. This time, I'm on vacation. Hopefully, by the time you read this, I'll be back home from Panama City Beach, FL. So, I figured, why not solicit some of my favorite bloggers to take up the slack for me. Yeah, that's right, I can facilitate my blogging duties to others! How lazy wonderful is that?

I've asked my blog crush, who once called me a BILF, to pretty up my blog a bit. She has tons of writing talent and if you've never seen her site, then do yourself a favor and check her out at According to Jewels.

Well, I'm going to let her do her thing. Take it away, Jewels.

Get Your Hands Off Me

I have always been jealous of women with good hair. As a kid I had hair so long I would sit on it in school and yell at the kid behind me for pulling it. It was a medium blonde shade and beautifully wavy. Somewhere along the line hormones and genetics caused my gorgeous hair to convert to a mass of dark brown curls. I’m talking curls!

It took a while…a long while and a lot of tears but I love my curls now. I have embraced them and I think they are sexy. Despite the fact that study after study have reported that men prefer straight haired women (abc news did a study that showed the same woman pictured with straight and curly hair received higher marks from men when she had straight hair) over curly haired. Sure it takes a little extra prep time to get ready to head out and yes, I check the weather and the humidity levels before deciding to wear my hair up or down.

I know plenty of women who say that they love to straighten their hair (my sisters included) and I think they are insane! My hair is thick and insanely curly and the few times I’ve let people straighten my hair…it takes FOREVER and at the slightest hint of moisture it curls again…why freaking bother!

"Touch my hair, lose your hand."

My hair gets brushed ONLY when wet. That’s just the way curly hair works. You see my hair is full of individual ringlets; beautiful spirals of silky dark brown hair that shine in the sun. Those ringlets are say 20-40 hairs thick, coiled around each other in a lovely way, embracing one another and when that ringlet is brushed out those hairs separate and a white girl afro appears in that ringlets place. It is NOT pretty!

While I wish my hair was the kind a man could run his fingers through, its not. When the little girl I nanny for wants to play and brush my hair I have a mini panic attack. When guys want to pull on my curls and run their hand over my hair I want to slap their hand away. Don’t ask, “Is your hair naturally curly?” then reach out to touch it before waiting for a response! Yes, yes it is and it’s temperamental so lay off. Do not coo, “Oh my gosh, look at that precious ringlet! It’s so tight and bouncy!” and then tug it down to watch it spring back up. That is only fun for you and will seriously piss me off. Do not say, “Do you know how much I’d pay for curls like that!?” and then pet my head…I don’t care if you have to pay for it…I have to manage it, get off!

If I’m in a relationship with somebody then chances are they have seen me in the morning or after being caught in the rain and therefore witnessed the afro so I’m not as worried but for the average guy at a bar just talking to me…if you try to touch my hair you WILL lose a hand. Period. There are times when I don’t care if you touch my hair. If we are kissing and you want to frame my face or tuck it behind my ear or play with it I’m fine with it. If we are having sex…by all means get in there! I love well placed tugs and pulls on my hair and don’t care if you turn into the King of Clips in order to get a better view of me going down on you. If it’s already humid out and it’s beyond help anyway then you’re safe. If we aren’t going out and you want to play go ahead…as long as I don’t need to be seen in public I’m cool.

Okay…now I sound psychotic…in reality I have never lashed out at anyone who touched my hair…but I’ve wanted to. And little kids with brushes who want to play with it really does make me panic. I sometimes wish it was nice and straight and smooth and guys could run their hands through it without getting their hand stuck in it but that’s just not my lot in life. I wish it was something I didn’t have to think about but it is. I am at a point where I’m not going to kill myself 45 minutes to an hour a day to make it straight, damaging my hair in the process, and then obsessing over if it’s straight enough. My hair is curly, it’s always been wavy/curly and it always will be.

#According2Jewls

Redheads

Actresses Lucille Ball and Christina Hendricks along with blogger, Cherie Martin

We all have something that fascinates us. Something that we find attractive and we're not even sure of why. For me, when I was growing up, I was fascinated by redheads. I wonder if it's because I used to watch "I Love Lucy" reruns religiously as a kid? Who knows?  But, despite most of her shows being broadcasted in black and white film, I still loved Lucy.

I mean, some guys are fascinated by twins (in more ways than one). I've seen dudes on TV who had a thing for little women (literally). But, me? Redheads. I carried that fascination with me throughout life and found myself always being a fan of theirs. To this day, I can appreciate a good-looking redhead over an attractive blond or brunette. Does this qualify as some sort of fetish? Seems like a strong word to use in this case, but it may be just that.

If The Mrs. reads this post, I hope she doesn't come home in a red wig or anything tomorrow. That would just be weird.



What trait fascinates you about people?