Men Judge Your Social Media

Okay, so we've seen countless ladies post memes that say things like, "the memes I post on Facebook are strictly for entertainment. And if you don't believe it, then that's on you." And they expect you to ignore the thirst trap photos, drama-filled rants, and posts about them claiming that they're single. 

The truth is: men judge women by their Facebook post, regardless if ladies thinks that is fair, accurate or not, we just do. 

And as a man, I don't want the trouble that comes along with someone who is beefing on Facebook with people or someone who posts cryptic updates just to try to get some type of reaction or response. And don't get me started on a thirst trap photos. I mean, those same women will complain about guys in their inbox. I mean, come on now. Are you serious? If you put honey on the kitchen counter, then expect to get ants. That's just how that works. 

Inspirational quotes in the morning and thirst trap photos at night will definitely get you attention. But from whom? But hey, I'm not an expert. I just have an opinion. So let me share the opinion of another and get his two cents. 

He's the host of the Hard Parking Podcast: society and culture first, the car stuff comes second. It's essentially a non-automotive automotive podcast. It's a dope show that I enjoy. And it can be found on Anchor, Apple podcasts or just about anywhere podcasts are found. From the Grand Canyon State of Arizona, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jhae Pfenning. 

Jhae, let the people know your two cents on women in our Facebook posts. 

"I don't know man, I think it's difficult in 2020. Because the landscape is so different than when I was growing up. I think now, if ever it's more acceptable, but I don't think they're gonna attract a guy who seriously wants to date him. I think about this, because because I can't even imagine life as a woman on social media. You don't have even have to look good in do to slide in your DM. I can't imagine what some of these girls are doing. Are they doing it to themselves? Yes. 

But I think about, I used to be a bouncer. And one of the things as a bouncer is, it's so difficult. So if a girl comes in, she's hanging out with her friends. And you're like, 'man, there's something about her, I want to know who she is, I want to know her more. She's kind of quiet sticking to herself. Sticking to her friends. She's not out there dancing or whatever, not acting a fool most of the time.' 

Even if they allow you to talk to them. They're not going to give you the time of day, if you ask them out, they're not going to take you serious because the stigma is, since you work at the club, and you a bouncer, you're asking every girl every night, the same thing. You're taking girls home all the time. And I can just say for me, that was never the case. I know there's some people out there telling these stories, and this happened to them. For me, that was never the case. 

And so if a girl is putting herself out there on social media, doing all these quotes, these inspirational quotes, these motivational quotes. 'I just need a guy', 'I don't want a guy's gonna lie to me', you know, all that kind of shit. 'Find a guy who's going to be truthful for you and make him your king', girls who do that. 

Then they posted these extremely sexualized photos of themselves and they know what they're doing. And then they're like, 'I need a man'. No one's gonna take him serious. Because the stigma is, you're just doing it for attention. You can't crowd-source a relationship. That's what dating apps are for. 

So 'no', no one's gonna take him serious. It'll be rare. The really good guy that they really want to get is not gonna take him serious."

You heard the homie, Jhae. The guy that you want. That man? He won't take you seriously. You'll get the attention of "guys", but guys are a dime a dozen and they're in it just for a good time and that alone time. 

If you want a "man", then whether you like or don't like what Jhae and I are saying, you may want to pay attention to what you post on social media, because men are judging you by it. Fair or not, it's reality.

There Are Still Good People Out There

So, back in the summer, some time in August, I ran an errand to pick up some Talk 2 Q face masks from a friend of mine.  I was about five minutes from my destination when I hit a pothole and blew out my passenger side front tire.  I pulled over near a church parking lot and surveyed the damage.  The temperature was in the 90's on this particular day and I'm sure that the heat index was well over 100.  

Anyway, I open my trunk and start to unload my spare tire and equipment that I need to change the flat tire.   As I'm pulling things out of the trunk, a minivan pulls up beside me.  It's a white lady, maybe in her mid-to-late 50's, kind of heavyset.  You know, the type of person you would envision if someone asked you to think of what a grandmother looks like.  She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I had a blowout.  She asked me if I had any water.  I told her that I did have a bottle of water in my car.  She said that it was too hot and I needed more.   

She then proceed to get out of her van and go into her backseat.  She emerged from the other side of the van with six bottles of water in her arms.  She said that if she knew how to change a tire that she would help me, but she wanted me to at least stay hydrated in the process. I thanked her profusely as I accepted the bottles.  She got back in her van, wished me a nice day, and drove off. 

I resumed working on my tire and I realized that my tire iron wouldn't fit the lug nuts on the flat.  So, I'm unable to remove the flat tire and put on the spare.  I'm racking my brain trying to figure out why the tire iron will not fit.  I then realize that without that, I'm stuck.  So, I grab my cell to call my dad to get him to bring his.  It will take him about 30 minutes to arrive, so I sit inside my car to turn on the A/C. 

A mid-sized sedan then pulls up in front of me.  A black man gets out.  He's probably early 30's, wearing an undershirt or what some people refer to as a "wife beater shirt".  Sounds terrible to say that out loud on the air, but you know the shirt.  He has a few tattoos and has the look of a construction worker, so to speak.  He asked me what was wrong and I recited my story.  He told me that he had a lug wrench in my car that would fit my tire.  He retrieved it from his trunk as I slowly got out of the car.   

I called my dad to tell him that I didn't need him to drive all the way across town and while I was doing that, dude started changing my tire.  After I got off of the phone with my dad, I tried to stop him and let him know that I could take it from here.  He simply replied, "It's all good, man.  I used to work at Goodyear.  I can change a tire in my sleep". 

Dude had the tire changed in a matter of minutes.  I offered to Cashapp him some money for his troubles, but he refused.  He said that he saw an opportunity to help and did so.  I thanked him and he drove on. 

I guess I shared all of this just to say that there are still some good people out here.  Social media will make you lose faith in all of humanity because of the level of selfishness and ignorance that we see on there every day.  But, I had two people, each who appeared to be from different walks of life, stop to assist me.  An older white woman and a younger black man.  A conservative-looking lady and an urban-looking, for lack of a better phrase, dude.  

Good people come in all shape, sizes, ages, and colors.  Stop letting social media and the talking heads on the news continue to divide us.  There are no secrets in getting along with people.  Just be decent and the rest will work itself out.

Combating Social Injustice Issues in America

I was fortunate enough to be tagged for a discussion about racism along with some very insightful minds. 

You can check out the discussion here.

I participated in the second episode of the Holism For Advancement Roundtable hosted by Dr. Herman SJr. himself.

I've been fortunate enough to interview him a couple of times on T2Q and as he usually does, he dropped science on this topic as well.  His other guest, Miguel Conner, was amazing in establishing a base to some of the societal problems we endure as a country today.

So, please enjoy this discussion and share, share, share!  The world needs to hear more insightful opinions on race and not the same old babble and catch phrases.

Seeing & Combating Inculcated, "Invisible" Fundamentals That Create Negative Systems 

* (Please excuse the audio-only format due to technical issues) *

This is the second show of the Holism For Advancement Roundtable founded by Dr. HermanSJr. to present the most powerful, no-nonsense, science-backed solutions to highly-complex world issues that can be used immediately to begin forcing step-change in people's lives across all landscapes (business, educational, personal, social).  

Experts: Dr. Chandra Babu (Ph.D.) | Right.Academy | (not present in show due to technical issues) Miguel Conner (B.A.) | TheGodAboveGod.com 
Quincy "Q" Shelton | Talk2Q.com 
Dr. HermanSJr. (A.A., B.A., B.Msc., M.A., M.Msc., Mpsy.D.) | DrHermanSJr.com 

This roundtable is based on Dr. HermanSJr.'s Holistic Vision program taught to experts and laypeople across countries, industries, and languages to force step-change via game-changing action and thought. 

Start the Holistic Vision program now for your business, educational, personal goals at https://DrHermanSJr.com.

So, A Cop Reportedly Raped A 15-Year Old...

JPD Press Conference w/Chief of PD.

Jackson, MS has its share of issues just like any other capital city.  We have bad apples in the police department and government, too.  However, this story from the past few days has really divided social media (like we should be surprised) and I just don't see the logic behind it.

To summarize things: an almost-30-year old police officer was accused of having a sexual relationship with a 15-year old girl.  It was reported that the relationshp went on for six months and that he was filming their backseat rendevous during his work hours.  The story turned even more tragic when the man took his life just a day or two after the story hit the news.

What I'm shocked at about this entire situation is how many people are blaming everyone except the allegeded predator.

The phrase that I'm seeing pop up on my timeline every other comment is, "she knew what she was doing!"

Are you serious?  Are you really going to blame the 15-year old girl for her reported relationshp with someone twice her age?

Why do we do this?  Why do we assign blame to the underaged victims in these situations?  How can someone who isn't even old enough to drive a vehicle capable of understanding a sexual relationship with anyone of any age?

Some of the same people posting this foolishness can't even navigate their own adult relationships and they think that someone who isn't old enough for a summer job knows what she's doing.  How can you say that she knew what she was doing when you're getting seduced and fooled in your own adult lives?

Quit shaming the minor victims and place the blame where it belongs...  on the predator!  And I don't want to hear people saying that "she lied about her age" or "she looked old enough".    It's no excuse!  If you can't tell after 5 minutes of conversation that someone is underaged then you need to be put in jail or maybe you're in need of a GED yourself.

A life was lost.  This girl may not ever be mentally right again because of the attention this story is getting and the fact that the man killed himself.  I'm pretty sure that she feels badly enough as it is.  Why pile on the only person who hasn't been on the planet long enough to vote?  

C'mon, Black People! #Nipsey

A rapper/community activist by the name of Nipsey Hussle was gunned down Sunday in Los Angeles.  I have a friend who put me on to Nipsy a few years ago.  Not just for his music, but for his cause.  Nipsey was forever trying to teach people in the black communities about wealth and health.

I go on Facebook and what do I see?  People arguing instead of reflecting on his life.  I've seen some of my FB friends fussing at one another over the following:

• "I can't believe you don't know who he is!"
• "You just started listening to his music.  I've been a fan since Day One!"
• "You don't know anything about the documentary he was working on!"
• "I bet you can't name three of his songs!"

These are actual arguments on FB over a man who was taken from his family.  Why put down people who may not know him?  Why does it matter when someone became a fan?  Why do people have to know his life's work?

Take the time to educate instead of ridicule.  Especially after the tragic end of a life of someone who was trying to help folks help themselves.

C'mon, people!  SMH.

Stay Off Timelines That Offend You #BodyShaming

I just finished reading an article over at People about a young lady who claims she was body shamed.  Now, I'll be the first to tell you that these "shaming" accusations that we see thrown around social media can be ridiculous to some.  However, at what point do we allow people to live their lives and deal with their own consequences?

Shalom Ifeanyi is a student at the Univ. of Cincinnati.  She posted some photos on her IG page that caught the eye of her volleyball coach.

The photos look extremely tame compared to what we see online these days.  But, her coach, Molly Alvey asked Ifeanyi to remove the photos because they showed too much of her breasts, despite the fact that she was fully-clothed in all of the photos.  Mix in the fact that some of her white teammates were allowed to pose in two-piece swimsuits and you have the formula for a discrimination lawsuit against the school.

Corporations and institutions need to stop policing people's personal lives.  A person shouldn't have to censor their personal online sites to comply by someone else's standards.  They should be allowed to post at will and forced to deal with the consequences, if there are any.

I'll be the first to tell you that people shouldn't post online half of the things that they do, but they are responsible for their reputation, not me.  If I don't like it, then I shouldn't view it.  It's just that simple!

Why are people so compelled to remove or ban something they're not forced to look at in the first place?  And if you feel that it's some sort of black eye to the reputation of your corporation or institution, then you're the one with the problem.  Ifeanyi is a volleyball player.  If she shows up at a game wearing something deemed provocative, then at that point, discipline her as you see fit.  Other than that, she owes Univ. of Cincy nothing outside of the school system.

Companies need to stop selling the allusion that they're only employing perfect people.  There are no perfect people.  And if the photo posted above is "too sexy" for Coach Alvey, then please don't ever let her see some of the 2018 prom season photos that I saw on Facebook this month.  Her had would explode.

It's sad that Miss Ifeanyi, who is a beautiful girl, has to endure this sort of attention for something that is ultimately so inconsequential to the Univ. of Cincy.  But, I guess that she realizes now that what she does as a black woman, right or wrong, will be scrutinized.

That's just how we roll in America.

I Hate This Hyper-Sensitive Society

Petty (adjective) - of little importance; trivial.

This word describes so many people that I know in this country.  Too often, I see people take nothing and turn it into something negative.  The reason: people love to be victims.  A lot of us tend to enjoy the "Me vs. The World" mentality.

Unfortunately, as a black man, I see a ton of pettiness in my community.  In fact, there are a lot of black people who embrace pettiness as if it's something in which to have pride.  I recently saw a "Black, Educated, and Petty" t-shirt on a young lady downtown.  All I could think to myself is, "why are you embarrassing yourself by wearing that ignorant shirt?"

I hate this hyper-sensitive society that we live in today.  No matter what you say, someone can take it, twist it, and make it look as if you are out to get them when you're not.  And if you say something that someone deems as criticism, and they are not sure if you're referring to them or not, then they'll use this other dumb term to justify their negative feelings: "throwing shade".

You'll have to go to the Urban Dictionary for the actual definition, but essentially, it means to say negative things about a person, but to try and do it in a discrete or indirect manner.  So, the person can only assume that you're talking about them because their name is never mentioned.  Almost like a subtweet, for those familiar with that.  It's why you can sometimes post something at random on social media and later get an inbox message from some offended follower who assumed that you were talking about them.

What's the point of even speaking if people are going to hear what they want to hear instead of what's actually being said?

From the President on down, people get in their feelings way too often and it's frustrating.  No one can have an opinion any more without someone being bothered by it.  What happened to the "sticks and stones" mentality?

Social media was supposed to be a great means of rekindling friendships and networking, but it's turned the U.S. into a country filled with chumps.  Instead of taking advantage of an amazing opportunity to get viewpoints from people from all over, we take sides with those who agree with us and bash those who don't.  Gone are the days when two people can just disagree and move on or maybe even actually learn from one another.

If Jesus came back today, he'd probably turn around and leave.  SMH.

Leave @DemetriaObilor and Women Like Her Alone

Jan Shedd took to Facebook on Wednesday to call out Channel 8 in Dallas’ new traffic reporter, Demetria Obilor, who she said was a “size 16/18 woman in a size 6 dress.” 

“Has anyone seen Channel 8’s new morning traffic reporter? Her name is Demetria Obilor & she’s a size 16/18 woman in a size six dress and she looks ridiculous,” Shedd wrote in the now-deleted post.  -- NY Daily News

Here we go again.  I can't believe that in almost 2018, we still have to deal with the level of hate that we see in this country.  Then again, why should I be surprised?  Social media has given the haters of America the illusion of being experts in the criticism of their targets.

There's a traffic ensemble anchor in Dallas, Texas by the name of Demetria Obilor.  As you can see by the photos, she's extremely attractive.  However, that's working against her in the eyes of some of her viewers.

Here's the thing: you can be a TV personality and be attractive, but you have to do it by "societal standards".

What does that mean?  You can't be urban with it.  No extreme curves.  Booty, hips, and thighs need not apply when it comes to being a female sex symbol in the U.S.  In other words, you can't be too black with it (despite the fact that some white women pay top dollar for surgical enhancements to "black it up", for lack of a classier phrase).

We need to find a way to put a stop to this behavior.  First of all, she's a news personality who is doing her job.  Just like all of us, she has a right to choose whatever profession that she wants.  And let's throw in the fact that this Nigerian/American was born this way.  Why should she change who she is genetically because Jan Shedd and a few others think that she's too hot for TV?  Should she wear a muumuu instead of a dress that fits?

Secondly, she has the right to flip her profession into whatever entrepreneurship she chooses.  That includes recognizing the fact that people are enamored with her looks and turning that into a modeling/speaking/hosting hustle.  I'm a firm believer in using what you got to get what you want.  That means she can be a news personality and a model simultaneously.

And lastly, when are we going to accept the fact that it's okay for women to be sexy and respected at the same time?  Why does it have to be one or the other?  Can a lady be good-looking and knowledgeable?  Does credibility only come in a size 4 with straight blond hair and blue eyes?

Leave the Demetria Obilors and women like her alone.  Every year there's someone different who catches backlash for having a banging body on a newscast (usually black or Latina).  Ironically, the criticism seems to come almost exclusively from women.  And ladies should be supporting her instead of tearing her down.

If  a shirtless Dwayne "Rock" Johnson did local weather, do you think guys would be on Facebook saying that it's too much?  Hardly.  We'd either say that it was cool or we would just change the channel.

It's time out for the foolishness, ladies.  Stop shaming these ladies just because your man is watching a lot more news than he did a few months ago.