Stay Off Timelines That Offend You #BodyShaming

I just finished reading an article over at People about a young lady who claims she was body shamed.  Now, I'll be the first to tell you that these "shaming" accusations that we see thrown around social media can be ridiculous to some.  However, at what point do we allow people to live their lives and deal with their own consequences?

Shalom Ifeanyi is a student at the Univ. of Cincinnati.  She posted some photos on her IG page that caught the eye of her volleyball coach.

The photos look extremely tame compared to what we see online these days.  But, her coach, Molly Alvey asked Ifeanyi to remove the photos because they showed too much of her breasts, despite the fact that she was fully-clothed in all of the photos.  Mix in the fact that some of her white teammates were allowed to pose in two-piece swimsuits and you have the formula for a discrimination lawsuit against the school.

Corporations and institutions need to stop policing people's personal lives.  A person shouldn't have to censor their personal online sites to comply by someone else's standards.  They should be allowed to post at will and forced to deal with the consequences, if there are any.

I'll be the first to tell you that people shouldn't post online half of the things that they do, but they are responsible for their reputation, not me.  If I don't like it, then I shouldn't view it.  It's just that simple!

Why are people so compelled to remove or ban something they're not forced to look at in the first place?  And if you feel that it's some sort of black eye to the reputation of your corporation or institution, then you're the one with the problem.  Ifeanyi is a volleyball player.  If she shows up at a game wearing something deemed provocative, then at that point, discipline her as you see fit.  Other than that, she owes Univ. of Cincy nothing outside of the school system.

Companies need to stop selling the allusion that they're only employing perfect people.  There are no perfect people.  And if the photo posted above is "too sexy" for Coach Alvey, then please don't ever let her see some of the 2018 prom season photos that I saw on Facebook this month.  Her had would explode.

It's sad that Miss Ifeanyi, who is a beautiful girl, has to endure this sort of attention for something that is ultimately so inconsequential to the Univ. of Cincy.  But, I guess that she realizes now that what she does as a black woman, right or wrong, will be scrutinized.

That's just how we roll in America.

The 1st Time I Felt Black Pride

Back in my teens in the late 80's, I developed more of a sense of pride in my race. It's not to say that I never had any, but it really didn't materialize from a knowledge perspective until in my teens, thanks to music. Specifically, rap music. 

A lot of 80's rap taught its black listeners that we were more than just second class citizens. It made the listeners understand that we were descendants of kings and queens. It made listeners know that there was value in our skin color.

There were quite a few artists who contributed to me blossoming in my blackness.  Listening to Public Enemy introduced me to the Black Panther Party and their contributions to black society. Boogie Down Productions educated me on how the legal system and school system have set black people up to fail. Ice-T educated me on life as a hustler and how the perceived "high life" was only temporary, thanks to jail or death.  There were a number of others I learned things from as well.

Once I developed that pride in myself, then I found pride in those who look like me. Especially black women.  I started to recognize that the media could not dictate what a beautiful woman was to me.  I saw the beauty in dark skin and full lips.  I understood what they represented in my heritage.  I went from falling head over heads for television's definition of beauty and started to appreciate so many of the natural beauties that I encountered regularly.  Who knew that music could give me so much data in which to research and learn about my true self?

Fast forward to today and 80's style of conscious rap is no longer played on the radio.  Despite its educational value to the black community, it's no longer mainstream.  Today's mainstream music usually contains wasteful and destructive messages.  Not just towards our communities, but towards our black women as well.

We need to find some way to reverse this trend.  We need to teach our youth that there's value to our black skin and it should be protected at all times.

Leave @DemetriaObilor and Women Like Her Alone

Jan Shedd took to Facebook on Wednesday to call out Channel 8 in Dallas’ new traffic reporter, Demetria Obilor, who she said was a “size 16/18 woman in a size 6 dress.” 

“Has anyone seen Channel 8’s new morning traffic reporter? Her name is Demetria Obilor & she’s a size 16/18 woman in a size six dress and she looks ridiculous,” Shedd wrote in the now-deleted post.  -- NY Daily News

Here we go again.  I can't believe that in almost 2018, we still have to deal with the level of hate that we see in this country.  Then again, why should I be surprised?  Social media has given the haters of America the illusion of being experts in the criticism of their targets.

There's a traffic ensemble anchor in Dallas, Texas by the name of Demetria Obilor.  As you can see by the photos, she's extremely attractive.  However, that's working against her in the eyes of some of her viewers.

Here's the thing: you can be a TV personality and be attractive, but you have to do it by "societal standards".

What does that mean?  You can't be urban with it.  No extreme curves.  Booty, hips, and thighs need not apply when it comes to being a female sex symbol in the U.S.  In other words, you can't be too black with it (despite the fact that some white women pay top dollar for surgical enhancements to "black it up", for lack of a classier phrase).

We need to find a way to put a stop to this behavior.  First of all, she's a news personality who is doing her job.  Just like all of us, she has a right to choose whatever profession that she wants.  And let's throw in the fact that this Nigerian/American was born this way.  Why should she change who she is genetically because Jan Shedd and a few others think that she's too hot for TV?  Should she wear a muumuu instead of a dress that fits?

Secondly, she has the right to flip her profession into whatever entrepreneurship she chooses.  That includes recognizing the fact that people are enamored with her looks and turning that into a modeling/speaking/hosting hustle.  I'm a firm believer in using what you got to get what you want.  That means she can be a news personality and a model simultaneously.

And lastly, when are we going to accept the fact that it's okay for women to be sexy and respected at the same time?  Why does it have to be one or the other?  Can a lady be good-looking and knowledgeable?  Does credibility only come in a size 4 with straight blond hair and blue eyes?

Leave the Demetria Obilors and women like her alone.  Every year there's someone different who catches backlash for having a banging body on a newscast (usually black or Latina).  Ironically, the criticism seems to come almost exclusively from women.  And ladies should be supporting her instead of tearing her down.

If  a shirtless Dwayne "Rock" Johnson did local weather, do you think guys would be on Facebook saying that it's too much?  Hardly.  We'd either say that it was cool or we would just change the channel.

It's time out for the foolishness, ladies.  Stop shaming these ladies just because your man is watching a lot more news than he did a few months ago.

Why Was "Hidden Figures" Not in My History Books?

I finally took the opportunity to watch the movie "Hidden Figures".  It's a movie, based on a true story, that follows the lives of three women, who lived in Virginia, who were key components in the success of the NASA space program in the 60's.  Not only was working in prominent roles at NASA a rarity for women, these women were also black, which makes it even more of a phenomenon for the early 60's.  As I watched this movie, my heart swelled with pride to see these black women blaze the trail for many others to come.

Well, maybe they blazed a trail locally.  Because I don't recall ever hearing these ladies mentioned in my history books.  12 years of school and NASA's space program didn't mention one woman until Sally Ride.  Where were the names of Katherine G. Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson?  These women were part of the reason we ever got an American into space at all and they can't get any love in history books?

What would it have meant to thousands of young, black kids, especially girls, across the country to know the accomplishments of these three ladies?  Let me retract that.  There were actually as many as 30 black women who worked for NASA during the first orbit around Earth.  They were referred to as "computers" because of the type of work that they did.  Either the state of Virginia has a surplus of super-intelligent black women or the school system has done us a disservice of informing us of minority accomplishments.  I'll go with the latter.

This movie showed how black people were able to overcome the mistreatment that they received while still outperforming their white counterparts.  Something that a lot of us still deal with today.  We've all heard the phrase, "you have to work twice as hard to get half of what they got."  This movie is a prime example of that.

I would encourage anyone to watch this movie.  It doesn't matter your race or gender.  It's something that everyone can get something out of.  What these ladies did should have been celebrated since the launch and should be a part of American History and not just NASA's history.  Yet it took 44 years of my life to even hear about this story.

And it makes me wonder how many Native Americans, Asians, Latinos, etc. have been left out of the history books, too.  I guess we'll never truly know, but thanks to director, Theodore Melfi, for telling this story.  It's a shame that only one of the three ladies involved was actually alive to see it.

Katherine G. Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson.

The Dynamic Between Black Men & Women

There are so many bad things going on in the black community and some changes need to be made. That includes education, jobs, crime, and more. However, something that definitely needs to change is the dynamic between black men and black women.

We as black people have gotten so out of hand that we don't think that a relationship is normal unless it's combative. How crazy is that?  We think that loud, brash females are "strong" and that disrespectful, aloof males are "hard."

We're confused.

Black baby mamas and daddies try to get leverage on one another (at the expense of the child).  Black men and women always want to say what the other gender is doing wrong without ever evaluating themselves.

We sometimes have no interest in doing what's right, but more interest in doing what feels right. It doesn't matter if it sets a bad example for our kids or not. It doesn't matter if it could affect our job status.  It doesn't even matter if it contradicts something in the Bible that we've read. If we feel it then we do it. It's completely counterproductive and stupid to think like this.

The dynamic between black men and black women is atrocious and has been for decades now. Every new interaction between a black man and black woman is potentially a bad experience. A black man's approach to a black woman can get sideways pretty quick and those who have been around it know that I speak the truth.

Some black guys treat every woman the same way.  They make no attempts on trying to distinguish a corporate woman from a THOT.  Ladies are all just lips, hips, and finger tips to these guys.  They step to them all the same disrespectful way and ruin her day with immature foolishness.

These guys make it very difficult for a man with good intentions to even get her attention.  She gets so many disrespectful Facebook inbox messages and so many "Say, Slim?" remarks at the gas station that things of that nature make her assume that the next guy, who may be nice, will be as "thirsty" as the last guy that approached.

On the flip side, some black women tend to think that just by being a black man that you have to accept certain qualities about her.  Some feel that you must allow and account for her less than pleasant and negative reactions to different things simply because "it's what black women do."  As if not putting up with stereotypical black woman qualities, that have made reality TV billions, somehow make you less of a man.  That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.  You're proud of being an a-hole?  Really?  SMH.  Act like a lady and maybe someone out there will treat you like one.

So, much has to change in the black communities, but the relationship between the black man and black woman may be the most important one. Once that's solved then everything else will start to fall in place. But it can only happen if both sides treat each other with respect and that task should start with the men.

I know that a lot of guys are frowning and mentally throwing shade on the post because you expect women to do everything first, but there's a reason why I say that:  Black women have never stopped loving black men.  Despite our differences, the frustration from some women is the fact that they still love us, yet we don't reciprocate the love.  We've abandoned her in a storm (it doesn't matter the reason) and she's waiting in the rain for us to come back.  It's up to us as men, to get our women out of the storm.

The very essence of a man is that you take the lead! That doesn't mean in some things, but in all things. That includes extending an olive branch to our sistas to reclaim the relationships that we once had back in my parent's generation.

Love, honor, respect, and and most importantly, protect her and she will love you in return with an undying passion.  Her uplifting words will give you the confidence to take on and defeat any of life's obstacles.