Affection is Better Than Perfection

She's 5'2" and curvy in all of the right places.  As a matter of fact, she looks like the number 8 in high heels.  Her lips would make a lollipop shed a tear of joy from anticipation.  Full and soft to the touch.  Her hair is soft, silky and shoulder length.  Her cat-like hazel eyes can mesmerize anyone bold enough to stare too long at them.  She is the epitome of a Perfect 10... but she has no concept of how to handle a significant other.  None whatsoever.

Dag.

In today's society where hot bods are pushed to us ad nauseum on social media and on television, it's easy to get caught up on a person's looks.  As a guy who stays on the go, I encounter good-looking women quite often.  Some of them are single, too.  But spend up to 15 minutes or so talking to them and you will quickly find out why that is the case.

Yet it's still so tempting to ask them out.  In my mind, I know that she's selfish and has no clue of how to love me, but there are many factors that will compel me to ask her out:

1) She's hot.  'Nuff said.
2) My friends would think that I'm a rock star to bring a nugget like her around.
3) That fantasy in my head that she'll figure it all out and become the "perfect woman."

Well, there's no such thing as the perfect woman (or man) for that matter.  However, there is a such thing as finding someone who is "perfect for you."  It's all about figuring out who cares for you more than anything else.  Beauty fades and with that being said, who wants to be sitting next to a 60 year old hag with an personality problem decades down the road?

Not me.  If people start focusing on "affection" instead of "perfection" then they can have someone who shows them daily that they love them rather than someone who is essentially putting on a masquerade.

Although that's what we should all ultimately crave, it's still okay to continue to date hot women in the meantime, right?  Even if they are shallow and/or selfish?  I'm just asking for a friend. :)

You Shouldn't Have to Ask to Be Pleased

What is one of many things that makes someone feel special?  One answer is getting something that they want or need unexpectedly.  Think about opening a present on Christmas Day or on your birthday and seeing that one thing that you really wanted or needed.  That's the same feeling people should get throughout the course of a relationship.

We guys are notorious for not being thoughtful.  We'll wait until Valentine's Day or her birthday to do something that a woman can appreciate.  And even then some guys let certain dates sneak up on them and they rush to the mall without giving the gift much thought.

Women are in the same boat, too.  Some men don't require much yet some women simply don't respect the things men ask for.  Some women are so stuck on being treated like a queen that they forget that a king is part of the royal package.

Why do we make it so hard to give our mates what they want/need without them having to demand it?  People shouldn't have to constantly ask to be pleased by their mates.  If you have no intention of pleasing your mate then maybe you should be by yourself. At least there's no pressure in disappointing yourself.

People should listen to their mates and absorb what they say.  If she says that she's tired of the front door squeaking then don't wait on her to directly ask you, "will you fix the squeaky door?"  Take action and get it done so when she comes home the next time she'll notice that it didn't squeak.

And ladies, when he tells you that he had a tough day at work, don't act like it means nothing.  Some women are quick to say that "men don't open up" yet when we do, who is listening?  Just because we're guys we're "going to be alright" and don't need a compassionate listener now and then?

If a relationship is going to be successful then thoughtfulness has to exist.  Your list of priorities should include doing something to make your mate smile.  If that's not happening regularly then it's just a matter of time before unhappiness ensues and the relationship dies.

All About Self

The mindset of this country has shifted so much over the past few years.  Everyone is not only out for self, but they're only focused on self.  Why do I walk through life feeling as if I'm one of few people who actually cares about others?  Here it is Christmas Day and I'm doing a blog post on exactly the opposite of what today means.  I witnessed countless examples of selfishness on yesterday just from a trip to a store to get a last-second gift for someone.

I can't figure it out for the life of me.  On a daily basis I see so many examples of people being consumed with their own little worlds without giving one thought to the fact that others live in it.  An example of that is a Christmas card that I received from a friend of mine.  I received it on Monday and I called her that evening to thank her for the card.  She told me that she sent five cards to people and that I was the only one who called to thank her.  She said another person did send a text, but she's heard nothing from the others.

Most people don't send cards any more, so you would think someone who puts forth an effort would at least get a call to say "thanks."  Not these days.  Maybe if the card contained a gift card would someone feel more grateful, but not for a card that only contains seasons greetings.

Why is it so hard to say "thank you" for someone's efforts?  Kids are obviously not being taught to appreciate the efforts of others because their (Gen X) parents don't seem to know any better.  Wait.  I take that back.  They know better.  They just don't care.

I'm a giver.  That's just part of my nature.  I've even been criticized for it (by selfish people, of course).  From being cordial to ex-girlfriends to loaning $5 to someone who already owes me $10.  I've been called out for showing compassion for others.  By no means am I a sucker, but I choose to do things on a case-by-case basis.  And I will continue to do so despite the chirping of a few miserable people who wonder how I continue to give and keep smiling in the process.

I have extremely tough skin so the criticism doesn't bother me.  I actually think that it's sad people criticize someone for doing something for others.  It's also sad that people think that you can't do something for someone without expecting something in return other than a "thank you."  Do it because you want to be helpful.  Not because you have expectations of a return on your "investment."  A "thank you" should be payment enough.

This country is slowly imploding.  The media is working double-time to create a war between minorities and the police.  Politicians perpetuate fights between members of the middle class.  We slowly piss off every country overseas from invading their country to making comedy movies about their leaders.  All of this could be avoided if people simply considered others before speaking or doing.

But, nope.  We're all about self.  So, as I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, I will leave you with this thought: starting today I want you to do something nice for someone "just because."  I challenge you to make at least one person smile every day.  If they looked surprised when you make a gesture then don't be alarmed by it.  I often find that people are confused by acts of kindness because good deeds are not expected without strings attached.  I've even had people question me on why I did something for them as if they weren't worthy of it or maybe I was up to something.  That's sad.

Mother Teresa most famously said, 

"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. 

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. 

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. 

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. 

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. 

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. 

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. 

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."

Doesn't This Just Tick You Off?

Okay, so I'm leaving a school play on Monday.  My lady's youngest daughter was in "Little Shop of Horrors" and I had to watch the young, future star do her thing.  I walk outside after the show and make my way to my car.  Keep in mind that it's 20-30 something degrees and the wind is blowing hard than Monica Lewinsky.  When I get to my car I see that some woman has parked so closely to me that I need a can opener to get into my ride!

Doesn't this just tick you off?  Don't you hate it when you park correctly between the lines, but some no-driving hack parks an inch from your side mirror?  Now I'm faced with a dilemma: do I get into the passenger side and climb over the center console into the driver's seat or do I sit and wait in the freezing cold until the inconsiderate driver comes out of the school?

I chose the latter.  I really wanted to see what the reaction of the man/woman would be as they walked to their vehicle and saw that they only left me five inches to get into my car.  Well, that was a mistake.  I waited.  Waited some more.  Even waited some more.  After close to 15-20 minutes, I see the headlights flash on the SUV indicating that someone was approaching it.  I glance up and here comes a late-30 or early 40-something mom trotting across the parking lot.  With her are two kids who appear to be around 12 and 16.

Immediately my attitude evaporates with the presence of the children.  I may enjoy being a snarky and sarcastic individual, but I do not clown people in front of their children.  It sets a horrible example for the kids and it's just low class in nature.  However, I do stare at her until she makes eye contact with hopes that she at least will apologize.

Boy, was I wrong.

"I was in a rush.  You know how that is," is all she said as she climbed into her vehicle and shut the door.

She got in her SUV and pulled out of the parking spot so that her kids could get in.  Her daughter, who appeared to be embarrassed, smiled at me as she approached her passenger door.  I complimented her on her singing during the play.  She had a lengthy solo and her voice reminded me of an unpolished version of Kelly Rowland.  She said "thank you" and told me to have a good evening with an apologetic tone.

Her mom pulled off and I got into my car.  At this point, I'm not even cold any more.  My temperature is elevated because I'm firecracker-hot that this heifer barely acknowledged me as she got her Humpty Dumpty self in her truck.

As I'm warming up my vehicle, I couldn't help but think about how inconsiderate some jerks are these days.  If she didn't know after backing into the spot that she was too close to my car then she definitely should have known when she walked past my car to get into the school.  If you're too busy to look where you're parking then you don't need to be driving.  That's just how I feel.

Relationship Guide: Missed Opportunities

People these days tend to focus on the wrong things when it comes to relationships.  Focusing on the big things will likely result in your relationship failing.  Sure, some big things are really exciting and make you feel good, but the small things are what truly matter.

Look at it this way: focusing only on the big things is like getting a bonus at work, but not getting a salary.  Makes sense?  The salary sustains your everyday life while the bonus allows you a chance to partake in luxuries now and then.  If you don't have the everyday security of a salary, then your life is that much more difficult while you sit around waiting on bonus time.  Approach relationships with the mindset of:

If I try each day to make their life easier, then I'm doing my job as a significant other.

Encourage them when they're discouraged.  Run an errand for them when they're busy.  Flirt with them when they're not confident.  Surprise them with something when it's not an occasion for it.  It is just that simple.  Those are some of the small things that have a huge impact on a relationship.  If that's not your mindset, then your relationship will ultimately fail.  I guarantee you that.

However, despite it being so easy to accomplish, people still tend to not go that route.  Some people want to dazzle you with things that have a huge immediate impact, but no long-term value.  They want to impress you with an expensive gift.  They want to win your heart through sex/attraction.  They talk about all the things they want to do for you, but never actually do it.  It's all smoke and mirrors.  People like that are incapable of caring and most of them are just plain selfish.  They do things periodically not because they care, but to "shut you up" or "throw you a bone."

A perfect example would be a business man.  He may go out of town regularly and doesn't have a lot of time to spend with/see his wife.  He can be out of town all week, but once he gets home on the weekends, what he does determines what kind of marriage they truly have.

A) The "throw you a bone" guy will come home with a new piece of jewelry to give to her.   He'll buy her an expensive dinner.  He'll talk to her about what he spent the week doing on the job.

If you're okay with "A," then chances are, you're materialistic and incapable of a real relationship.  That's fine as long as you can admit that.  "A" sounds like a good choice until it's realize that the jewelry is essentially a muzzle for the wife.  It buys silence while the football game is on.  The expensive dinner is a mutual benefit because it means that neither of them has to actually cook.  Telling her about his job can be nice, but wouldn't it also be nice for him to want to know how her week was, too?

People who love one another will make each other's lives easier every chance that they get.

To be in a successful relationship, both parties have to truly care for one another.  This means by always trying to make the other person smile, keeping them out of harmful situations, and of course, doing the small things that make their life easier.  Let's look at person "B:"

B) The man who truly cares will come home and be the partner in the relationship that his wife needs him to be.  He'll not make a mess of the house.  He'll help with / spend time with his children.  He'll give his wife the emotional and physical attention that she's been missing all week.

So, for those of you who are in a relationship, I want you to honestly evaluate yourself for just a moment.  Ask yourself: what did I do this week to make my man/woman happy?  If your answer is "had sex with him/her," "bought him/her something expensive," then the ending of your relationship is inevitable.

Do you think that most people just don't know what "caring for someone" truly is?

Do Like A Bra and "Support!"

Source

I've always said to myself that if I took the time to try and understand how some people think, that my head would explode. I just can't seem to understand the mindset of our modern-day society.  It doesn't seem like that long ago when people took care of one another and did things in the community's best interest.  Not now.  Everyone is down for self.  "What can I get out of it?"

Hmmph.  It's a shame.  Recently, I had a Twitter follower of mine launch a campaign to be a cover model for a magazine.  She has over 1,000 followers, yet when she launched her campaign, I would guess that less than 50 people actually made an effort to support her.  I could be wrong, but I'm just going off of what I saw.

Now, I know that with her being a model, a lot of people who are following her are just horny dudes (and women) looking for a booty shot Instagram.  I get that.  I just have a hard time believing that they represent the other 950+ followers who chose not to support by retweeting or sending a message during the campaign.

Being from Mississippi, I know all about not being supported. This state has its share of celebrities and musicians, but a majority of them had to leave the state in order to be discovered. Example: rapper, David Banner, was a local guy who was fairly popular in the Jackson nightclub scene. I remember when he dropped his first CD and how few copies he sold. Out of all of the thousands of people in Jackson who had seen him perform in nightclubs or knew him personally, his album sales were piss-poor. He moved to Atlanta, made it big and now all I hear is "That's my homeboy right there! Mississippi born and raised!"

Seriously? He had to change states to make a dollar and now he's your boy? Then, after he shows his allegiance to his new home state of Georgia, you hate on him for not giving back (enough) to Jackson? "Banner won't do shows here any more.  He's changed!"

Because you didn't support him!  He's taking care of the people who embraced him before stardom.

Since I've started blogging, I've encountered tons of talented writers, aspiring musicians, stunning models and more. Each and every chance that I get, I try and help him get exposed to more people. Despite the fact that I only have a couple of hundred followers on Twitter or Facebook, I try to make sure that an extra set of eyes get a glimpse of what could be a future star.

So, if it's The Tsaritsa dropping a CD or my man in Idaho authoring his first book, I have their backs. My followers are their followers. Why? Because people are supposed to help other people. That's a concept that has been lost over the last 50 years. You're supposed to do things and not expect things in return other than a "thank you." I didn't support Naté Jones because I wanted exposure for my blog, a booty call or some payout when she's rich and famous. I supported her because I want to see people succeed.

We need to stop being selfish and learn how to help uplift others. In return, someone down the line may help uplift you. Stop ignoring people you can help and then getting mad at them when they make it big and don't acknowledge you. Why should they? Let's drop the selfish attitude and do like a bra and "support!"



Why do you think our mentality has changed on supporting others' dreams?

Scandalous!

"You wanna tweet me, don't you?"

I know that I may upset some of my followers on Facebook and Twitter, but "some things just need to be said."  I use Facebook and Twitter on a regular basis. Twitter more so than Facebook, but I check both of them multiple times per day. However, there is a time that I absolutely despise them both: when a popular television show is on.

(begin rant) 

I absolutely can't stand when people reveal plots from television shows as they air! In the age of DVR's, not everyone watches live TV. If you don't have a friend who will come over and watch the show with you, then don't go running to your 500 friends on Facebook and ruin their chance of enjoying a show!

The other night, the season finale of "Scandal" aired. As you can tell by the title, the show is full of suspense and controversy. The last thing you need before watching a show like this is someone on Facebook or Twitter giving you the play-by-play on what's happening!

Now, I won't embarrass any of my Twitter followers or Facebook friends by printing screenshots of my timelines.  I eventually had to close out of both pages because I could not risk the chance of seeing something that would ruin the suspense for me in the season finale.  I just wish that if they choose to tweet/post about a show that they use discretion and not reveal key components.  No tweets like, "I can't believe (insert character) just got killed" or "I knew (insert character) was the father of her child!"

Memo to people who use social networks as a TV companion: some people are at work, running errands or just like to save shows to watch on the weekends.  It would be appreciated if you DM'd or inboxed your friends rather than blab the entire show plot to the world.  Yes, I could just ignore Twitter and Facebook until I watch the show, but why should I be held hostage by a couch commentator?

I guess I'll be forced to learn more about creating Twitter groups so that I can isolate the tweets that I want to see and ignore the scandalous talk about every prime time show that matters to me.  I'm sorry if this hurts someone's feelings, but try considering someone else's feelings before you send that status update.  No one wants their evening plans to watch a show they love ruined by someone who resist the urge to tweet spoilers.

(end rant)

Bad Boys, Bad Boys...

Let me give a disclaimer for the idiots who half-read: I'm an American and I love living here.

Let me go even further for those who read well, but can't process it: Just because you complain about something doesn't mean you hate it.

Now, let's get started, shall we?

When will the U.S. realize that it can't be the World Police? When will we mind our own business? Every month, I see a new headline of us trying to intimidate some small country. Libya, Afghanistan, South Korea, Iraq, Iran, iPod, you name it, we have a beef with them.

Long story, short: we love telling other leaders how to treat their people. It doesn't matter that our own affairs are jacked up, you just better get your affairs in order!

So, who polices us because we definitely don't police ourselves. Who keeps the U.S. in line? We're so perfect that we're above being told what to do? What if Russia had called Obama or Bush and told one of them to stop allowing corporate greed or get out of office? They would do just like Khadafi has done and laugh, right?

Our country is delusional. We're that bad child that the parent thinks can do no wrong. Anyone who speaks against that child will be shunned.

Our country is arrogant. Any time we give credit to a man "discovering" America when people were already living here shows our warped sense of entitlement. If that's the case, I just discovered a new mall near my house recently.

Our country is greedy. Everything we do is related to money. If you threaten our oil resources, we're taking action! If Canada has cheaper pharmaceutical drugs, then we're passing laws against them because they're obviously "unsafe."

Our country is a bully. We pick on small countries when they "get out of line," but China or Russia can spray paint gang signs on the White House and we wouldn't do a thing. "Oh, they're just playing. They didn't mean it."

To sum it up, we need to take care of our own. Stop dropping food overseas when people here are starving. Stop worrying about creating jobs in India when there aren't any here. Stop calling it a "defense" budget when we're always on the "offense."


I'm only complaining because I care. Consider it "good parenting." Instead of letting your child run amuck and terrorizing everyone within range, you keep him/her in line. Sure, it takes admitting that your child did something that needed to be corrected, but isn't that how it's supposed to be in order to better the child?

America is not above criticism. Let's stay out of other people's business and take care of self. We need to focus on the real terrorists. It's not someone wearing a turban and a bomb; it's someone wearing a suit and tie and carrying a pen. Corporate terrorists are the ones who scare me right now. They have more to do with the gas prices than any Libyan, that I can assure!

We're spread so thinly right now, how could we even respond to an attack on the U.S.? All of our troops are every where except the here! We still have troops in Germany, Afghanistan, Vietnam, and every where else we've ever invaded. Once we arrive, we stay. That's not defense, that's arrogance. Let's get it together before China or Russia calls us out.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys... whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

I'll Forgive You... This Time...

My birthday came and went and none of my 35 followers or 58 FB Fans seemed to notice. Hmmph! Some followers you guys are! I guess no one pays attention to the profile/bios, huh?

No Colorful Rants in honor of my Life and Times. No Thoughts from a Randomista. Nothing. I didn't even get a Lollipop. Are You Serious? Not one fellow blogger/follower wished me Good Times? I thought I'd generated enough "famosity" for you all to count down the days to my b-day. Again, I say, "Hmmph!"

Okay, I basically turned this into a blog roll. Now you know what I read regularly.

Seriously, I've never made a big deal about my birthday. So many people at work said, "Q, it's your day! Enjoy it!"

In which I'd always give the same reply, "Everyday is my day."

I believe in celebrating life daily, so I don't need an annual reminder to do so.

Whenever I'm on Facebook, I always have a few friends who give you that countdown to their b-day. "Only 13 more days, y'all!"



How about the person who pins a $5 bill on themselves so that everyone knows it's their birthday and feels guilted into giving them money when they see them?

Or they celebrate that milestone birthday. "Come out to my 27th birthday party tomorrow, y'all!"

And yes, I was being facetious when I said "milestone". Who celebrates the number 27 besides an egomaniac? LOL!

To each their own, so let me stop hating. I'm thankful for every morning I can open my eyes and although reaching another year does mean something to me, I don't expect everyone else to stop their lives to help celebrate mine. It's a nice gesture, but not necessary.

I do pretty well celebrating on my own. :)

America's Most Wanted, Vol. 4

This is a Q Service Announcement! Be on the look out for this individual:

Perpetrator: Cheat On Her, But Faithful To You Guy
Crime: Emotional Assault & Battery

"Girl, he left (insert name here) because he loves me and wants to be with me."

Wow. You're a simple chick if you believe that. I hope you're good-looking because brains are not your strong suit. There isn't a man in the History of Man-dom who will cheat with you, but will never look to cheat on you. Church!

Some of you ladies don't know, but men have self-esteem issues, too. More commonly known as an "ego". Men don't like to be alone because of the image it portrays to their friends. It's not uncommon for men to "keep a spare" in case that main tire goes flat.

That main wheel is shiny from Armor All and adorned with chrome rims while that spare sits in the trunk collecting dust. But at some point, the main wheel goes flat and out pops the spare ready to go. Now, the spare doesn't look as good and it won't get the same mileage as a the main wheel, but it serves its purpose for temporary satisfaction. Once that satisfaction is met, it's back in the trunk you go.

Ladies, don't be a spare thinking you're a main. You're kept in the dark (trunk) for a reason. If you know that a man is involved with someone, but he wants to spend time with you before breaking up with her, then you're setting yourself up. He will eventually do you the same way.

You're just another tire getting rotated.



This has been a QSA. You many now go back to your regular scheduled internet sites.