Charlie Sheen and Snooki Polizzi Get Married

Okay, no, they really didn't get married, but if they did, how huge would it be?  As much as I hate reality TV and how TMZ makes D-list "celebrities" into stars, I think Charlie and the Snookster need to get with me on this money-making opportunity!

Let's be honest, TV determines what we like and dislike.  Stupid, right?  Well, welcome to America: where most of us get our instructions from the boob tube!  Anyway, since we know this fact (and I challenge anyone to prove otherwise about TV thinking for us), let's continue to do even more manufacturing of a news story, shall we?

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi gained her fame by being a reality show participant on the now-famous "Jersey Shore."  Snooki, who is actually Chilean, but raised by Italian-American parents who adopted her, has gone from a no-name to a best-selling author and TV personality.  She gained her status through being argumentative, disrespectful, a drunk, and whoreish.  Any one of those qualities can get you 15 minutes of fame in today's society, but if you pull off all four, then you're a bonafide star!

Charlie Sheen, born Carlos Estevez, has turned a so-so acting career into a huge money with "Two and A Half Men."  A show that I've only watched once or twice, but it was a Top 25 show each week with the Nielsen Ratings.  "Chuck" Sheen made over $1.25 million dollars per episode of that show.  Per episode!  To celebrate, he did more hookers and blow than Keith Richards in his prime or Simon Adebisi on a work-release from "Oz."

So, why not put them together as a couple and let the cash roll in?  Charlie, Snooki, get with me and I'll make you some serious cash!  First you two need a couples' nickname a la "Bradgelina."  I'm thinking something simple like "Charlie Shore" or "Jersey Sheen."  Then you can release a sex tape showing how a Treasure Troll and a warlock get down (Bow-chicka-wow-wow).  Finally, you can spring your love child on the world!  Can you imagine how much magazines will pay for photos of Snooki and Charlie's child?

Introducing Snooki Charline Sheen - Age 3

Snooki Charline Sheen - Age 20

Think of the headlines: "No Class meets Shot Glass."  "A Bag of Snacks meets a Bag of Smack."  "Tan Lines meets Coke Lines."  Duh, winning!

Afterwards, I can work with Paula Abdul / Simon Cowell (their love child will be an air-head that wears tight shirts) and Kim Kardashian / Donald Trump (that child be will all booty and hairpiece).




What two TV personalities would you match in order to get America's tiger's blood racing?

Free Pass

No, I'm not talking about Falen's "Hall Pass" post. I'm talking about people giving others a free pass just because they are biased.

Free Pass #1: R. Kelly
Robert, who I think is part Native American (native name is Flowing Stream), has been accused three times of child molestation and/or porn. Well, let's just call it what it is: it's rape. Molestation is a word someone made up to "pretty up" an act of rape. R married the late Aaliyah when she was 15 years old (Vibe Magazine showed the marriage certificate and the marriage was eventually annulled because of her age). He was also allegedly in a video where he sexed a teen and peed on her. The 21 counts of child porn were later dropped because the (well-paid) Chicago family didn't want to press charges. This happened a month after he was charged with 12 counts of child porn in Florida (which were also thrown out for search/seizure reasons).



Where there's smoke, there's fire. Three times he's been accused (one proven) of child rape. Yet, he opens for the B.E.T. Awards and Twitter goes wild with "R did it big tonight" tweets.

If you're willing to put down your morals for a child rapist just because you like his music, then I'd like to see you try to justify it in the comments section below.

If R. Kelly was an everyday John Doe who worked at the gas station down the street who peed on a 14-year old girl, you'd be the first person to volunteer to be on the jury to send him to jail. But since he can sing and you have the "12 Play" album, then let him slide. After all, "she knew what she was doing," right?

It's easy to sweep crimes under the rug when a woman is the victim.

Free Pass #2: Charlie Sheen
I wouldn't come down so hard this dude if he only hurt himself, but he has endangered the lives of others more than once. This coke head doesn't hide who he is. He's put more up his nose than an elephant locked in a peanut factory. No matter how close he gets to killing himself annually, more people watch his show and CBS gives him a raise to buy more dope/hookers.

Even Keith Richards thinks he should slow down on the partying. Yet, every week, "Two and A Half Men" is high in the television ratings. Why? Because he makes us laugh, it's okay for him to threaten his wife, scare hookers with his behavior, and get so many rides to the E.R. that his 10th ambulance trip is free.



Charlie Sheen will probably outlive all of us, but time-after-time, he apologizes for his behavior, thanks his fans and CBS for their support, and checks into a spa resort... uh, I mean "rehab." Months later he'll be found unconscious in a hotel room with a Jagermeister I.V. in his arm.

What does that say about us as a country? What does that say about you as a person? As long as a person is talented, then it's okay, right?

R. Kelly can pee on my daughter any time since he's my favorite singer, right?

I'd love to live next door to Charlie Sheen's wild parties because he makes me laugh, right?

Sure, it's cool to forgive and give second chances to people we don't even know, but giving someone a third and fourth chance shows that it's not just something wrong with them... it's something wrong with you.

Three + Three Questions

Three Questions:
1. Do you like T.I.?
2. Are you a fan of Charlie Sheen?
3. Do you have Lil' Wayne's latest CD?



What do all of these guys have in common? All of them have been arrested.

What else do these guys have in common? They are all very successful at what they do.

So, when I do the math, I wonder how arrests plus moral issues equals those guys being on top in their respective games? I know! Fans will turn a blind eye to anything just as long as they like the person! Loyalty breeds ignorance, right?

I know quite a few women... not just women, but mothers, who absolutely love R. Kelly despite the fact that he filmed/desecrated a teen (and I'll say allegedly, but we both know it was him in that video just as sure as we know O.J. did it).

I've heard women say that Rihanna pushed Chris Brown's buttons as if that gave him carte blanche to go Chuck Norris upside her dome.

Robert Downey, Jr. has made a killing with the "Iron Man" movie franchise despite using more drugs than Walgreens.



Do you see my point? Do you really expect kids to learn "right" from "wrong" when it appears that "wrong" gets rewarded regularly?

Bobby Brown. Michael Vick. Tommy Lee. Lil' Wayne. Foxy Brown. Hugh Grant. The list goes on for weeks.

Now, this is America. "The Land of Second (Third and Fourth) Chances". As long as you at least attempt to make/fake an apology, people will like you again. Some may even try to justify your actions. I've heard arguments for Fantasia stealing some one's husband saying that "she was fighting for her man". No, she was fighting for someone else's man. Just because you like her song "Bittersweet" doesn't make her right.



People still support Bill Clinton despite him using his political offices for speed dating. Guys don't care that Alicia Keys got pregnant by a married man. As long as she stays fine and sings well, she'll be back on top.

But why? We all know that if any of those things happened in our lives, we'd be ready to swing on whoever did it and/or whoever is defending their actions.


Think about your answers at the top of the blog and then answer these three questions:
1. If T.I. was Tyrone from the neighborhood, would you let your son hang with him knowing he just got out of jail on gun charges?
2. If R. Kelly was Roscoe from around the way, would you let your daughter go to the prom with him?
3. If Chris Brown was Chad White the D.J. from the radio station, would you buy his mix CD after he went Tyson upside your baby girl's face?

If you answered "yes" to any of the three questions at the top of the blog, then that's okay. You can give someone a second chance so as long as you don't try to justify what they did wrong.

If you answered "yes" to any of the top three questions, but "no" the altered question at the bottom, then maybe you need re-evaluate your way of thinking.

Tiger Would, But I Won't

Man, I wish people would get off of Tiger's case. Now, before you get started, I'm not condoning anything he did. Tiger would, but I won't. I've been married eight years and I could not inflict that type of heartache on The Mrs. like Tiger did to Elon.

Even though I think the media is unfair to him, I'm not a fan of Tiger's. I haven't shown him any love ever since the day he turned down a chance to speak at Jackie Robinson's 50th anniversary for breaking the color barrier in '97. He said he had another engagement for his American Express sponsor. Jackie Robinson is the difference between Tiger "putting on grass" and "cutting the grass", so I felt like he should have dropped everything to speak at that event. I haven't cared for him since.

Having said that, the media has torn into Tiger so badly that he's actually become a sympathetic figure.

Some want to argue, "Tiger portrayed himself with this squeaky-clean image. He scammed us. He deserved to be treated harshly."

If you feel as if Tiger Woods betrayed you by cheating on his wife, then you need a hug. How is he suppose to portray himself in the spotlight? As a loser? As a degenerate? And how does his image cause you to feel betrayed in your life?



I don't get it. Charlie Sheen tries to kill his wife (allegedly). He's done hookers, drugs, and now has an attempted murder charge yet he gets a contract extension on "Two and A Half Men". Tiger cheats on his wife and has to call a press conference to apologize? A golfer? Not a political figure, but a golfer? Are you kidding me? Now every time he misses a shot it's because the "guilt is weighing heavily on him".

I never thought Tiger had those types of mental issues, but now I see that he does. Tiger has given in to the media pressure. The man who I thought had the most focused mind than any other sports athlete on the planet has crumbled.

So, what does Tiger need to do in order to get back on top (no pun intended)? Actually, maybe that is what he needs to do. Finalize that divorce with Elon so she can get her $400 million for being a high-priced nanny and get his butt back to the Waffle House and find another minimum wage chick.

Yeah, I know it sounds chauvinistic, but I'm talking about re-establishing the man's career. Do what got you there. If running women after-hours made you the best golfer on the planet, then do it. As long as you're single, then who cares?

In fact, I would be willing to take time out from my busy schedule to introduce you to some of my favorite waitresses at Burgers & Blues or IHOP. Just because I'm a nice guy.

So, Tiger, get at me. Let me help you out. You don't need a Swing Coach to help your game, you need a Life Coach.