Monday, April 20, 2015

Do You Hint or Do You Ask?

Many people have a different approach to getting what they want from their mate. Some will hint around to a mate of what it is they desire until they get it. Some will flat-out ask for what they want until they get it. Does one work better than the other?

If you give a hint on something you want then you're relying on your significant other to pick up on the hint and fulfill the desire, right?  That requires your mate to truly pay attention to you. So, if they don't catch on to your hint does that mean that they don't care? Does that mean they are not actively listening to what you're saying?

And if they don't ever catch on to your hints then what do you do?  Constantly ask for what you want or just forget about it and allow your feelings to fade?  Because over time it will frustrate you.

I'm a firm believer that "a closed mouth never gets fed," but there is so much satisfaction in not having to ask for what makes you happy.  Once you put it out there that you like something then you shouldn't have to constantly repeat yourself to get it.  Seeing your mate figure it out for themselves is as gratifying as the act itself.  Anticipating needs of a significant other is the sexiest thing one can do in a relationship.

On the flip side of that, some may prefer fulfillment "on demand."  But, is your mate only doing it because you asked and not necessarily because they wanted to do it? Some people may not care how something gets done as long as it gets done.  I'm just not one of those people, but to each their own.

 How do you try and get what you desire/need in a relationship? Do you hint or do you ask?

Monday, April 13, 2015

The Burden of the Stress Catcher

What is a "stress catcher"? One who is the designated listener to everyone's problems. Yep. That's me. I remember being in 3rd grade and sitting in the school cafeteria. A classmate of mine was sitting across from me and she looked distraught. She had big blue eyes and frizzy blonde hair. We never really talked that much, but she was one of the more popular girls in school. I made the mistake of asking her a two word question: "What's wrong?"

Five minutes later I was privy to her "boyfriend problem." Of course, 9 year olds had different "boyfriend problems" back in the 70's than the 9 year olds do today. She was upset that he didn't carry her books like some of the other boys did for their girlfriends. None of this resulted in me offering any advice or anything. All I did was listen and empathize and my unofficial stress catching career was a go. 30+ years later I'm doing the same thing.

I'm the go-to-guy when people have problems. From ages 13 to 53, I've heard so many stories just within the past year alone. 75% of the time they want my opinion.  I try to be open, honest, and unbiased.  I rarely sugar-coat anything because the direct truth is sometimes needed.  The other 25% of the time I just sit, listen, and console if applicable.

The downside to all of that is that people will always view me as their "rock" or "problem solver." Because of that they will never ask me "what's wrong?" when I'm going through something.  So I've learned that when something is going on in my life that I need to speak up.  I volunteer information because I rarely get asked the question, "what's wrong?"  And who can blame people for not asking?  I'm always the one who's smiling.  I guess they think, "How could he ever possibly have a bad day?"

But, that's the burden of a "stress catcher."  Although it can be difficult at times, I'm good with it. Everyone has a purpose in life and I know that one of my purposes is to be a "stress catcher." To help people carry the load so that they can acquire just a little more happiness in their life.

There will always be a sign outside of my door that states, "The Dr. is in."

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