Thursday, September 30, 2010

How Many Is Too Many?

I was listening to the Michael Baisden show on the way to Baton Rouge today and they had an interesting topic:

How many people can a person sleep with before they are no longer considered marriage material?

Wow. That's a tough one. Of course, the answers for men and women will be completely polar opposites. Let's face it: if a woman says that she's slept with 25 people by the age of 25, then she will be looked at a lot differently than a man with the same claim. Don't blame me for that, blame society.

But, as a man, I can truly say that I don't want to know how many men The Mrs. has been with in her life. There's absolutely no way I want to know because whatever number she says will not be satisfactory to me. LOL! Hey, I'm just being honest. Therefore, we have our own version of "don't ask, don't tell" in our household.

But, how many is too many? Guys, what number can a woman throw out to you that makes you say "nah, I'll pass"?

Ladies, what number can a man throw out to you that makes you not consider him marriage material? Join the discussion here!

What Would You Do 2?

Let's say you're at a bar and you meet this really attractive person. This person intrigues you in every single way, so after a little conversation, you decide to exchange numbers. A few days later, you two get together for dinner and have a wonderful time. You really enjoy hanging around this person.

A few weeks and dates go by and you start to think about taking the relationship to the next level. To become more than just "a date". You invite your date over for a romantic dinner in order to set the mood for that special night. Your companion arrives and you let them inside. Before dinner gets started, your doorbell rings. "Who is this?" you ask yourself looking at your watch.

It's your best friend. The person who has been your partner in crime since elementary school. "What are you doing here?" you ask.

"I'm sorry, but I was in the area and I haven't heard from you much lately," the friend starts, "so I wanted to check to see if you were okay."

You say with a smile, "I'm doing well. I've met someone. Come on in and let me introduce you."

You lead your best friend into the other room and your friend's eyes and your date's eyes lock and the mood takes a dramatic change for the worst. "Uh, hello." your friend says uncomfortably.

"Uh, hi." says your date as they immediately look down at the floor.

Instantly, you realize that something is extremely wrong. "You two know each other?" you ask.

"Yes," your friend starts, "Uh, (deep breath), we had a one night stand about a month ago."




What would you do?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

School Board Shenanigans


First, I lay out the story for you and then I proceed to rant afterwards...

I was reading yesterday's newspaper and an article about iPads caught my attention. The Rankin County School District spent $25,000 on iPads (50 iPads) for principals, school board members and district department heads. District officials say the new technology will help educators "stay mobile and abreast of new technology".

The deputy superintendent of elementary programs in Rankin stated that the world is so technologically advanced that the iPads will help them "stay on the cutting edge".

The first few iPads were bought with Parent-Teacher Organization money for a few principals, but then more principals wanted one. After receiving a federal grant for $116,000 to improve internet connections and related infrastructure, $25,000 of that money was use to be more iPads for principals.

The plan is to get iPads for the teachers and high school students within the next few years. The reasons given are:

"There are educational games on the iPad."
"Principals can use the iPads to do teacher evaluations and give instant feedback."
"They also can use the devices to quickly look up student information without having to return to their offices."

Some parents have even chimed in to support the purchase of iPads in the schools. "Book bags are really heavy for the kids, and if they can eliminate the books and condense them onto an iPad, it would be beneficial."

Okay, now here comes my cynical view of this garbage. I think I've held my tongue long enough to give you an overview of everything.

(clears throat) To the lady who stated iPads are easier to carry than books: how sorry must your children be to not be able to carry books? Books have been carried to school for decades and now all of a sudden they're "really heavy"?

It's parents like that who make me wish a license was required to even have children. It's the "punkification of America". Parents babying their kids so much that we wind up with a bunch of Lindsay Lohans in the world. But, that's a story for another blog.

Sorry, but I got a bit off-track. iPads for upper-level administration is supposed to be for the improvement of the school system? Really Rankin County? My god kids' mom is a high school teacher in the Rankin County school district. I can't count how many times she's had to come out of her pocket for every day school supplies for her kids and now her principal is trekking around the office setting up his iTunes playlist.

So, upper-level admins (whose jobs are mostly made up) can get $500 toys while the students don't even have the necessary items that they need to participate in a normal school day. And the reason I say most upper-level admins are "made up" positions is because the Department of Education has a superintendent or bureau director for every single thing in school:

Bureau Manager of Healthy Schools, Bureau Director II Child Nutrition, Bureau Director II Innovative Support, Bureau Director II Conservatorship... Do I need to continue? Conservatorship isn't even recognized by my spell checker so how in the world is it a legitimate position? LOL! The MS Dept. of Education hiearchy chart looks like a family tree that dates back to the Mayflower.

MS ranks at the bottom in education every year because these losers are destroying the budget by creating these fake jobs for their friends and buying company vehicles and toys. Stop pissing on the people's legs and telling us that it's raining.

Corruption isn't just on Wall Street any more. It's every where. Everything is a business now. Hospitals have to keep their rooms full. Can't make money if people aren't sick. Prisons have to keep their jail cells fulls. Can't make profits off of cheap labor without someone to work it.

Add our school system to the list of corrupt businesses. We have to deal with school board shenanigans simply over one reason: because there is money in it. That money should be for the kids, not the fat cats who probably haven't stepped on campus in months.

Parents are blaming teachers for their kids not learning, but low wages and lack of supplies isn't helping the situation. Do you really think those kids are going to get iPads in a few years? Or even the teachers?

I hate to play the role of Conspiracy Brotha, but some one has to say something. I work with so many people who complain about some of the same things I do, yet they don't ever do a thing about it. They don't vote. They don't attend meetings at City Hall. They sit back and fuss as if that alone will change things. Guess what? It hasn't!

In the words of my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Ellis, "get off of your rusty dusty (translation: butt) and do something about it!"

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Why Isn't This Lady Allowing Me To Merge?

Had a bout of road rage the other day while in Windsor. I'm leaving the airport on my way to the office. I just picked up a sweet Nissan Altima at Avis and I'm anxious to get on the interstate to see what this baby can do.

I hop on the on-ramp and proceed to get ready to merge onto the interstate. As I come around the loop, some lady pulls beside me in a BMW. So, since I'm just getting ready to merge, I don't pay her much attention. I'm assuming that she will go on about her business and allow me into the slow lane.

Nope. Not the case. After three or four seconds of riding door-to-door with this idiot, I look over and she's on her cell phone.

At this point, I realize that my lane is about to end soon, so I need to get over. "There's no one in the fast lane, so why isn't this lady allowing me to merge? Can't she just move over and let me in?"

Nope. Not the case. Her phone call is so important that she's willing to run me off the road instead of paying attention to her surroundings.

So, I had to punch my accelerator and jump in front of this nut before I ran out of lane. Wouldn't you know it? After I did so, within a few seconds later, she comes passing me in the fast lane with that phone glued to her head.

"Oh, you can ride beside me for a week, but you can't ride behind me, you loser? Now you wanna speed up?"

Do they even teach people to be courteous when driving now? Sometimes I think there's a private school in each city that teaches people how to be blatantly rude to others. Why else does it seem like people purposely do stupid things to make life harder for others unnecessarily?

Do you know how many times I've had to use a can opener to get into my car because the idiot beside me has parked into my lane? That means you just parked, got out of your car and didn't bother to look and see if you were between the lines. Now I have six inches of space between your car and my door.

Or what about those people who see you waiting on a parking spot as they approach their car to leave, but then they get in their car and sit for five minutes before backing out. "If you're not leaving, then get your foot off of the brake and stop acting like you're backing out!"

I'm sorry, but I have even more to get off of my chest. Bare with me, okay?

Don't you hate it when people drive aggressively behind you for a long time? They're so anxious to pass you and when they finally get the chance to do so, they get back in front of you and go slow again. Now you have to pass them back. "You're all Dale Earnhardt behind me, but now you're Driving Miss Daisy in front of me!!!!????"

Yeah, I hate those people, too. In fact, I'm getting road rage here at my desk as I type this. Is that possible? I just had an urge to ram my mouse into the base of my monitor. Is that bad?

Anyway. What else do I hate? I also hate people "on parade". Those are the idiots on the interstate who get in the fast lane, but do the speed limit. The end result is two cars driving side-by-side because the idiot in the fast lane refuses to speed past the person in the slow lane and allow everyone else behind him to get through. This results in a line of cars a la a parade.

I have a fix for all of the above problems, but for some reason, I can't get a patent for my idea.

I wonder why?

Friday, September 24, 2010

Blank

Have you ever wanted to blog, but couldn't? That's the dilemma I'm in now. I'm out of town on business in Windsor, CT, and I've started four blogs only to crap out midway on each of them.

So, I figured I'd just type whatever came to mind. I'm sitting in my hotel room (Courtyard Marriott) and watching the Miami/Pitt NCAA football game on this ugly, 25-inch, tube TV they stuck me with during my stay.

Really, Marriott? All kinds of hotel revenue and you can't get flat screens for the room?

Wow, Miami just scored again and I swear there are 13 Pitt fans left in the stands.

Anyway, I thought about how much I've enjoyed my trip to Windsor. It's my second time here since May and the one thing that has surprised me is the hospitality. All of my northern co-workers have broken the stereotypes on "northern rudeness". Each and every last one of them has made me feel as if I were at home and it's been a great feeling. I work with some really great people.



Also, the weather has been absolutely beautiful here! When I left Jackson on Monday, it was 97 degrees. I get to Windsor and it's been 78-85 degrees all week long with partly sunny skies.

Then, mix in the fact that I had some great food while I was here. I had no idea that anyone other than southern folks could throw down on BBQ, but there's a restaurant here called Nat's that blew me away! I couldn't believe how good the ribs were. And you would think ribs once in a week would suffice, but I got tempted in another restaurant called the Tunxis Grill. I got the fried rib appetizer and I almost clotheslined (wrestling move) the bust boy because he failed to tell me in a past life that those ribs were so good. Although they were fried, they were glazed with sweet and tangy BBQ and sprinkled with sesame seeds.

Lord, have mercy.

Well, that's been my week in a nutshell. The one thing that I've realized about myself is that TV fuels my "bloggability". And for the record, I wasn't the first person who use that term. Trust me, I checked. But, being at home and watching MSNBC and FOX News really gives me ammunition to start blogging. Well, that and drunk guys or women with bad odors at gas stations.

But, blogging is something done with passion and not just something to do. Annah even has a birthday for her blog. And I swear that I can visualize Falen frowning as she's typing her blog and then laughing uncontrollably after she reads it back to herself.

They're writing with passion. With a purpose. Unfortunately, this week, I have nothing. Nothing to fuel my fire. The Mrs. is at home and I miss her. Watching this hotel TV from the 90's is lame. And absolutely no one has pissed me off this week because my Windsor co-workers are the bomb (oh, yes, I did go back to 1997 on that term "the bomb").

For some reason, my mind is just... blank.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

No One Owes You Respect

I was checking out FrancesMarie's blog and it was so to-the-point, that I wanted to share it with others.

Respect is something that should be earned. No one owes you respect.

People are always talking about "being disrespected". Well, what did you do to have someone lose respect for you in the first place?

Is it the short skirt/sagging pants? Is it the neck tattoo? Is it the 5th grade level grammar?

I'm not saying people should mistreat you because of these things, but don't act like you're owed something.

If you want to be treated like a lady, then learn how to act like one. If you want to be treated like a man, then learn how to take care of women instead of having them baby you.

That's all I'm saying.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Revoke Your Black License

I was instant messaging a co-worker of mine who resides in Richmond, VA. She's a football fan and we're talking NFL when the subject of other sports came up. I mentioned that I liked the NBA and NCAA basketball, but that I'd really enjoyed the NHL this past season.

There was a long pause in a response to my message and then she replied, "What?"

"NHL. Hockey. Football on ice", I replied.

Then I saw a series of "LOL's" all across my screen. She was laughing at me.

"How can a black man from the south enjoy hockey?"

"Uh, I just do. It's an exciting sport! And the presentation of the Stanley Cup is the greatest trophy presentation I've ever seen."

"That's it. I'm pulling your race card, Q. I'm going to revoke your black license."

Wow. A black man can't enjoy hockey? A person from the south isn't allowed to 'pimp the puck'? One day I decided to give hockey a chance back in '93 and I've followed the New Jersey Devils ever since (I picked them since my alma mater's mascot are Devils). Mix in the fact that we have a minor league hockey team in Biloxi and my interest grew even more.

In fact, The Mrs. and I (who was just a girlfriend at the time) attended Game 7 of the Kelly Cup and sat through double-OT (until 2 AM) until the Mississippi Seawolves hoisted the Cup after an awesome goal (I knew at that point that she was marriage material if she was willing to sit through four hours of hockey with me).

Well, needless to say, I didn't share the fact that I've attended a NASCAR race at Talledega on three separate occasions. My co-worker might have orchestrated a racial intervention at that point.

But, the bottom line is: I love sports. If there's a ball involved or someone being timed, I'll probably watch it. In fact, I think it's sad that some people consider some sports a "white" or "black" sport simply based on stereotypes.

Basketball and Track & Field have always been considered "black" sports, the PGA, NHL, Tennis and NASCAR have always been considered "white" sports.

Does that mean I'm not allowed to view a sport "outside of my race" without getting my "black license" revoked? Of course not.

People need to be more open-minded when it comes to sports, music and movies. Black people need to stop hating on every white rapper that comes along and white people need to put more black people in lead roles on prime time TV.

And so on and so on. Let's get past this crap already.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

What Would You Do?

Please watch the video below and tell me what would you do?

How would you handle this situation?

Please list all of your comments below.

The Mrs.



Someone recently asked me why I refer to my significant other as "The Mrs." They said it sounded more "business" than "personal".

Well, let me explain to all of you why mi esposa is referred to on a regular basis as "The Mrs."

First of all, she doesn't mind the title at all. She tends to like being referred to as "The Mrs." because of the respect the name brings. She once tried to refer to me as "The Mr.", but it just didn't flow off the tongue quite right. So, I'm simply her "husband" when being referred to other people.

But, I got the idea to do something different with her title because of my disdain with a popular trend. If you have read more than three or four of my posts, then you should know that I'm old school. I don't dislike everything that isn't considered old school, but it's safe to say there are a lot of things under-30 year olds do that help dumb down the rest of the U.S.

One of those things is calling a girlfriend, "wifey" or a boyfriend, "husband".

These people who do this are taking the pinnacle of a relationship and dumbing it down to something that's not even qualified to pass off as common law marriage. Just a bunch of kids "playing grown-up".



Why would someone think this is okay? Because people don't take anything seriously in today's society. Everything is a freakin' reality show to people now. Marriage is the ultimate achievement for any couple that decided to go out on a date. Now, the titles achieved by two people who vow to love one another has been downgraded to two pimply-faced teens who share a burger with one another every Friday night.



Now, if you feel the opposite of me, then I would love to hear your argument to convince me that there is a situation where a couple can refer to themselves as husband and wife without legally being married or of common law status.

So, since "wife" means absolutely no more than "girlfriend" by today's standards, I've decided to use another term that shows the status that mi esposa holds. At least until the idiots from the next generation screw that up...

What's your take on this? Join the discussion here.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Can A Woman "Ask For It"?

There was a recent incident involving the New York Jets football team and a female reporter by the name of Ines Sainz. Sainz, who is widely known for her tight clothes and flirtatious behavior (more so than reporting) has filed a complaint against a few players for harassing her with "cat calls" and other juvenile displays of machismo.

Here's my disclaimer: no one deserves to get harassed while on their job in any shape, form or fashion.



Now having said that, Ines is a very attractive lady who dresses provocatively and is known to flirt with players in order to get interviews. Examples of some of her stories involve: who has the biggest biceps and which one of these players can I get to carry me on his shoulders?



Because of this, I don't consider her a "professional" reporter, but more of a sideshow for ratings. Also, I think women + mens' locker rooms = potential for a lawsuit. You'd never see a male reporter allowed in a women's locker room.

So, given all of that information, I'm asking the ladies: Can you sympathize with a lady who appears to go above-and-beyond to get the attention of men, but get upset when she gets it?

I'd love to see your opinion in the comments below. How does Ines make you feel as a professional woman? Can a woman "ask for it"?



Join our forum discussion on this topic here!

Monday, September 13, 2010

QQOTD: Is A Piece of Man Better Than None At All?

Welcome to Thank, Q's first "Q's Quick Question of the Day"!

(Please submit your thoughts in the comments below -- thanks!)

I know times have changed. I realize that there aren't too many candidates for good husbands left out there if you're under the age of 30.

Young guys today just don't get it. The light in their heads hasn't come on yet and for some, it just won't. So many are uneducated, unemployed or just plain disrespectful.

So, ladies, let me ask you this: is a piece of a man better than none at all?

Do you come out better having a few boyfriends who each possess a "good man" quality? Maybe one to stimulate your mind, one to stimulate your senses and one to stimulate your "economy"?

Or do you hold on and just pray that someone with some sense comes along?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Addicted to Court TV

I think I'm addicted to court TV. It's the one of the few reality-based programming items that I can get with on a regular basis. I guess my background in law got me interested initially, but about 15 years ago, I got hooked.

I'm fans of Judge Mathis, Judge Judy, Judge Milian, Judge Joe Brown and Judge Lynn Toler (who I now have a new celeb crush on since I'm now over Wanda Sykes and her high-priced tickets).



They are all problem solvers. Something I (not so) secretly want to be. One of the reasons I blog is because it allows me to provide insight to things that may help someone. I'll be the first to tell you that I'm not an expert, but it doesn't take an expert to teach a person something.

We can all learn from paying attention and some time the most foolish person you know can teach you a lesson without saying a word to you. Some of these lessons I learn from watching these court shows. It teaches me about personalities, lack of loyalty (since friends/family sue one another), basic properties of the law and displays basic moral issues.

So, whether I'm expanding my vocabulary from listening to Judge Brown or watching Judge Judy screaming down some dude over his lack of morals, I feel I'm being entertained and educated.



TV can be good if you make wise viewing decisions. I'm not saying you should only watch the Discovery Channel or anything. I watch "Robot Chicken" and "Tosh.0" for every episode of "People's Court" or "Judge Judy", so I have an extremely unique mix. But, I try to balance my programming so that it's not too one-sided.

I think highly of these TV judges. I've read Judge Mathis' book, which is very good by the way. I've read a lot of their bios and how they came to be judges. Although there is a bit of "Hollywood" in these shows, ultimately, you have an unbiased person making a decision on a case. Unbiased. Despite how obnoxious a plaintiff/defendant may be, the judges will still rule in their favor if the evidence reveals that's the case. Nothing like a little honesty from people in power. That's rare now days.

I've always wondered what this country would be like if these same judges were in the White House. Would decisions be based on morals and common sense instead of lack of morals, dollars and cents?

The Bliss That Is NFL Sunday

So many women became widows today. Not from something tragic as a death, but from the first week of the 2010 NFL season.

So many men have imprinted their butt cheeks on their couches or recliners as they enjoy the first of 20 football-filled weekends. Of course, I'm included in that group.



The Mrs. is a wonderful woman. She allows me to be me (which is very important in a marriage). When we got married, she didn't compete with football. Instead she embraced it. She knew that it was my favorite hobby and she's accepted that. She's learned more about the sport, watches it with me from time-to-time and if she doesn't feel like watching, she allows me to do so in peace.

So many of my friends have wives who wish to compete with the NFL. Now, of course, if it comes down to a decision, the wife should always gets the nod in that situation, but at what cost? Is there really a benefit to a woman who finds a way to remove her man from the couch? What exactly do you win?

Definitely not happy thoughts from your spouse. You basically turn your guy one step closer into "Al Bundy". An empty shell of a man who winds up holding your purse in the mall. Then again, maybe some of you want a lifeless man 'til death do you part.



Ladies, let me offer a bit of advice (and this applies to more than football):

If your boyfriend/husband had a football habit before you, then it's not in your best interest to attempt to change him. A smart man will double his efforts Tuesday through Friday if it means that he can get a bit of freedom on Saturday through Monday. I'm not saying he should abuse it and disappear for the entire weekend, but throw him a bone. Let him be the man you married and not the man you want him to be.

If he wasn't the man you wanted when he proposed to you, then why did you marry him?

America's Most Wanted, Vol. 4

This is a Q Service Announcement! Be on the look out for this individual:

Perpetrator: Cheat On Her, But Faithful To You Guy
Crime: Emotional Assault & Battery

"Girl, he left (insert name here) because he loves me and wants to be with me."

Wow. You're a simple chick if you believe that. I hope you're good-looking because brains are not your strong suit. There isn't a man in the History of Man-dom who will cheat with you, but will never look to cheat on you. Church!

Some of you ladies don't know, but men have self-esteem issues, too. More commonly known as an "ego". Men don't like to be alone because of the image it portrays to their friends. It's not uncommon for men to "keep a spare" in case that main tire goes flat.

That main wheel is shiny from Armor All and adorned with chrome rims while that spare sits in the trunk collecting dust. But at some point, the main wheel goes flat and out pops the spare ready to go. Now, the spare doesn't look as good and it won't get the same mileage as a the main wheel, but it serves its purpose for temporary satisfaction. Once that satisfaction is met, it's back in the trunk you go.

Ladies, don't be a spare thinking you're a main. You're kept in the dark (trunk) for a reason. If you know that a man is involved with someone, but he wants to spend time with you before breaking up with her, then you're setting yourself up. He will eventually do you the same way.

You're just another tire getting rotated.



This has been a QSA. You many now go back to your regular scheduled internet sites.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Why Am I Not Asleep?

It's 5:35 AM... Why am I not asleep? I'm sitting up watching a high school football game I DVR'd last Friday. St. Thomas Aquinas (FL) is stomping Skyline (TX) 24-3.

They're playing at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington. For those of you who have not seen this stadium on TV/in-person, it is the most impressive structure I've ever seen in my life. I went there for the NBA All-Star game in February and the experience blew me away. Being one of the 108,000+ people in that stadium and part of a world recording breaking attendance event was pretty cool, too.



First of all, as far as the game was concerned, I've never seen so many women at a sporting event. It's something about the NBA that attracts women. I saw seven women to every guy and they were dressed like they were on the Red Carpet.

As a friend and I made our way to the concession stand, we saw Theo Ratliff, an older player, but a player nonetheless, walking through with his 6'11" frame. On his right arm was a 6'4" blonde (at least she was in her heels). Every girl he passed was trying to make eye contact with him. They would bump him as he walked by and say "excuse me" as if it was unintentional. He wouldn't even look down to acknowledge them. I'm guessing that's why the blonde on his arm never appeared concerned about the on-lookers as she chatted away on her iPhone.

I just changed the channel to "The Soup" on E! For those who haven't seen it, it's basically a highlight show for reality TV bloopers and other funny clips. Right now they're showing a clip of Nancy Grace going off on some woman who's defending Paris Hilton's drug charge.

Paris claims that she thought the cocaine that was found in her purse was gum. Nancy is one angry southerner. She goes off on everyone she invites on her show.



Oh, man. I need some sleep. I just saw Jesse James and Kat Von D holding hands leaving a World War II museum. How ironic of her to be there after the controversy going on about her being a Nazi. The fact that I recognize both of these people is probably something in which I should be ashamed.



Wait. Kate Gosselin still has a show? How did that happen? Why is everyone so fascinated by freaks and headcases? I'm one of the rare few who can't do most reality shows. I think they're all scripted and the ones that aren't scripted have participants who are blatantly trying to make a name for themselves instead of acting natural.

And Lord knows I'm tired of always seeing the angry black woman on these shows. Isn't that played out? Sometimes I think reality shows are half of the reason white people are afraid of most black people.

Wow, Kathie Lee on the "Today Show" told Hoda that she wouldn't recognize a sex toy "if it slapped her in the face". LOL! (insert joke here)

It's 6:08 AM and I'm obviously delusional and ranting. Besides, any time you see Larry King singing Lady Gaga's "Poker Face", then you know it's time for bed.

Good night, all.

America's Most Wanted, Vol. 3

This is a Q Service Announcement! Be on the look out for this individual:

Perpetrator: Gossip Girls
Crime: Pollution

Their mission is to fill the your ear with poison. Be careful of these people because they are con artists. They'll pretend to care about your problem only to get enough info to spread your story to whoever will listen. They're not your friends, they're low budget reporters looking for a headline.

"Girl, I heard Larry left you for a stripper. Is this true? You poor thing!"



Don't even front, you like that stripper name, "Thunderclap", don't you? Some thieving showgirl will steal that name and make millions off of my idea.

Anyway, the GG's will fish around for information until they have enough to "run their story" a la Ron Burgundy (That's an "Anchorman" reference for those paying attention -- You need Netflix in your life!).

The easiest way to avoid these people is to keep your business to yourself. If you don't crow it, they won't know it. Do like my man Sid said and remove the wood that fuels the fire.

Friday, September 10, 2010

America's Most Wanted, Vol. 2

This is a Q Service Announcement! Be on the look out for this individual:

Perpetrator: Drink Man
Crime: Time Bandits

Ladies know this man very well. He's the guy you meet with his hand already in his pocket waiting to buy you a drink. Not because you're thirsty. Not because he wants you to have it. He buys you a drink because he wants your company. If your time was a soul, then this guy is the devil. You accepting his drink, in his mind, obligates you to dance with him when asked and/or provide your phone number. You sipping that drink is an oral agreement to commit your loyalty to him for the evening.

I don't know where these guys originated. Drink Men have been around way before I was born, but somewhere the game got changed. Guys in the black and white movies on AMC would send a drink across a crowded room to a lady. Only if acknowledged to approach would they stroll over to her to introduce themselves afterwards. Not 2010 Drink Man. "Baby, I got you. I got you, boo. What are you drinking?"

Five minutes later there's a guy sticking closer to you than Secret Service to Obama.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Super Bowl Predictions


I wanted to get my picks in before the season started. I hope you all will feel free to give your predictions in the comments below. It doesn't have to be as detailed as mine, but at least give your SB winner.

Okay, here goes:

Division Winners:
AFC - New England, Indianapolis, Baltimore and San Diego
NFC - Dallas, Green Bay, Atlanta and San Francisco

Wildcards:
AFC - NY Jets and Tennessee
NFC - Minnesota and New Orleans

Conference Championship:
AFC - San Diego v. Baltimore
NFC - Dallas v. Green Bay

Super Bowl Champion:
Green Bay over San Diego

Season MVP - QB Aaron Rodgers (GB)
Offensive Player of the Year - QB Aaron Rodgers (GB)
Defensive Player of the Year - LB Patrick Willis (SF)

America's Most Wanted

This is a Q Service Announcement! Be on the look out for this individual:

Perpetrator: FB Peacocks
Crime: Spotlight Thieves

I've referenced what a FB Peacock is before, but I'll brief those who may not have read about them. Peacocks must have the spotlight and not just to showcase their worldly possessions. Sometimes it's just all about them.

Have you ever had a FB friend who counts down the last 30 days of their birthday?

"Only 27 days to go until my birthday! I can't wait!"

Uh, is your birth date not on your Profile page? Will I not see a reminder once your birthday arrives?

But, they don't care. They want your attention. They want to feel special, not just on that day, but the weeks leading up to it. And on that faithful day, some will even come out of their own pockets to pin money on their shirts so that even strangers will know it's their b-day.

I'm not saying b-days don't matter. But "happy birthday's" are like "I love you's". It should mean more to you when you don't have to remind someone constantly to say it.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Q: Life Referee

I was reading one of Falen's blogs (my usual daily ritual) and she was summarizing an argument on "parents using leashes on their kids".

Basically some people were coming down on her after misinterpreting her opinion. There will always be someone who will disagree with you on things and I don't have a problem that. I do, however, have a problem with someone who hears the truth and gets mad about it. I guess the truth really does hurt, huh?

People tell me that I'm an honest guy. Some have even called me "brutally honest" because I won't normally lie to spare someone's feelings. If you want to know something about yourself, just ask me. I'll tell you. It may not be what you want to hear, but it will be my honest opinion.

"Q, does this dress make me look fat?"

"No, your fat makes you look fat."



Okay, that's a little harsh, but you get the point. I try not to be mean, but I try not to give a false sense of hope either. I don't want anyone going out in public looking jacked up because I was too afraid to tell them they looked like Rush Limbaugh in a mini-skirt.

People need to be more honest and I don't necessarily mean just to other people, but to themselves as well. Being honest with yourself helps you to be unbiased which in turn makes you the perfect friend.

Now, am I 100% unbiased? Shoot, no! Who is? But, I'm about as unbiased as they come. I hate doing anything that is going to label me as a hypocrite, so I do what I can to stay consistent and true.

So, the next time you see me at the mall and your child is on a leash like a seeing-eye kid, then don't ask my opinion about it. Because Q: Life Referee is on the job! "And I call it like I see it."

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Was I This Bad?

Out and about with my niece last night. She's an 18-year old freshman at Southern Miss. As we proceeded to a convenience store, we walk inside and I see two guys working behind the counter. Both of them perked up like two German Shepherds noticing a cat.

One of these guys was close to my age with gold fronts. He looked like a Cadillac when he smiled. The other was closer to Yoda's age and had eyes bigger than rims on a Hummer. Each of them smiled as she walked by the register. The younger guy waited for me to walk to where he thought I was far enough out of ear shot to say something to her.

Now, my niece can handle herself. She's going to deal with a lot of anxious guys before she finishes her first semester at USM, so it makes no sense to trip on these two. Besides, I'm not one to stare down guys who look at her or try to deter them at all. As long as they don't do anything inappropriate, I won't go "Deebo" on them. (That's a "Friday" reference for those paying attention. You need Netflix in your life)



I realize that men will always look at women, even when they're 100 years old. But at what age do you stop gawking at them? Here are two guys with a combined age larger than an area code and they're looking at a barely-legal?

I can appreciate a good-looking woman as much as the next man, but not to the point to where I'm doing the creepy guy stare. Here it is I'm ready to cash out and Yoda is smiling at my niece like Dracula smiling at someone with keys to a blood bank.

I started flashing back my early 20's. Was I this bad? I truly don't think that I was. Sure, I gawked when a woman wasn't looking, but once she saw me, I didn't stare at her like a hostage stares at a steak.

Now, for women who don't know, guys gawk because of bad short term memories. Some women can see an attractive guy and appreciate him with just a glance. Men will stare at a woman, turn away thinking they're satisfied and then turn back and stare again as if they forgot what she looked like.



So, as we start to leave the store, Yoda's apprentice tries to holla one last time. I'm walking out and noticed my niece stopping as he got her attention. I continued on because like I said, she can handle herself. I get to the car and she comes out less than a minute later with a big smile on her face. She loves the attention, but tends to go for the Pacman Jones type than the late-30's guy. She does need to work on her fake name though. "Kia Chrysler" just isn't very creative. But, that's the burden you all carry from being women, I guess. Having to come up with fake names and smile at guys who have a better chance of starting at point guard for the Lakers than they do with getting to first base.

So, on behalf of all men, I want to apologize to the ladies for our actions. We want you to know that you're appreciated, but I'm sure that there are better ways for us to do it without salivating like a dog on a six foot leash who's tied six and a half feet from his water dish.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Don't Do It, Fellas!

I was at the Hilton Hotel partaking in a lunch buffet. The crowd was larger than I expected for a Thursday, but I decided to give it a go any way.

As I was fixing a salad, my attention was caught by a young lady and a young man standing to my left.

I watched that young man make an almost deadly mistake. Now, I know young people don't think before doing certain things, but he almost didn't come back from this one, folks. This guy did something that can get you killed quicker than wrong answers to 21 Questions on Falen's FB page.

This guy asked a lady, who was not pregnant, when she was due.

It's as if the entire restaurant went silent.



The lady's left temple started throbbing on her forehead. Her right eye twitched as her head turned towards the guy in an owl-like fashion.

"And why do you think I'm pregnant?" she asked in a calm-before-the-storm-voice.

I started thinking to myself, "Dude, act like you didn't hear her and just return to your table."

But, of course, being young and stupid, he tried to explain, "Well, I didn't mean that. I just thought... Well... I'm just sayin'..."

This lady went off on this dude like he'd left only a swallow of orange juice in the container (That's a "Harlem Nights" reference for those of you paying attention -- You need Netflix in your life).



After the guy took his 10 second verbal beating like a man, he smiled, apologized and proceeded to move on to another part of the buffet.

To all of my young male blog readers: if you see a woman with a larger-than-usual stomach. PLEASE do not assume that she is pregnant. Keep your comments to yourself! I don't care if you see a baby's foot sticking out of the zipper of her pants, do not assume she is with child.



DON'T DO IT, FELLAS! If you have done this before, then join our discussion here!

Why Can't I See Wanda Sykes?

Garbage! Straight up garbage! It's a doggone shame how our government lets Corporate America rob us blind every single day.

I was trying to be a good husband and surprise The Mrs. with a trip to Biloxi to check out Wanda Sykes next weekend. No reason. Just to relax and enjoy a good show.

Well, guess how much that trip would cost me for one night? Almost $800 freakin' dollars!

A couple of weeks ago I saw Wanda tickets were on sale for the IP Casino on the Gulf Coast. Now, for those who don't know, I'm a huge Wanda Sykes fan. In fact, The Mrs. probably should have felt threatened by her for a few years before Wanda announced she was gay. At that point, I knew my chances of getting with her were, uh, pretty much slim-to-none. But, hey, what can I say? Funny women are attractive to me and Wanda is all-that.



Anyway, the tickets were $45-$65, so I went to Ticketmaster to buy a couple.

"Let's see... Two tickets... Best available... $260 per ticket!!!???"

I couldn't believe my eyes! I kept reading because some where in fine print it has to say that I get to stay in Wanda's room after the show or something for a price this excessive.

After being disappointed with the contents of the fine print, I try Stubhub, Tickets, Razorgator and any other site that comes to mind and the cheapest ticket I found was $70 for "general admission" in the back of the room.

I decided I'd better at least check the price of the hotel of the casino where the comedy show will be. If I can at least get a room, I'm sure I can score some tickets locally at a reasonable price.

"Hmmmmm, one night.... two adults.... September 10th..."

(click)

"$270 per night!!!!!????"

Now, I'm positive that Wanda comes with the room! I just stayed at this hotel less than a year ago for $90 and now you want to triple your price?

Why is it legal for the ticket companies to buy up all of the tickets and then scalp them back to us for triple the face value?

How can hotels run for $65 a night, but jump to $250 a night when a special event rolls into town?

All I wanted to do was take The Mrs. on a nice weekend to see Wanda and Corporate America has foiled me once again.

I know one thing: you all better stop voting for these people on the ballot just because they have a (D) or an (R) in front of their name. Because no matter which group runs the White House, I still can't catch a break. You all keep arguing with one another while the White House officials keep pocketing our hard-earned money.



Oh, well. I guess I'll have to think of something else for date night with The Mrs. Maybe it worked out for her anyway that we couldn't make the show. After all, it was Wanda Sykes we were going to see.

How Dumb Is T.I.?

Let me get this straight: you just did a year of time for an illegal weapons charge that you could've easily gotten three-to-five years.

And just months after being let out and doing your "Road to Redemption" show, marrying the saddest looking woman on VH1 (she literally looks depressed), you get nabbed after busting a u-turn in West Hollywood with weed and meth in your ride?

Are you serious? How dumb is T.I.? Does T.I. stand for "The Idiot"?

Why are you and Tiny in West Hollywood anyway? Trying to "keep it real"? Ask Dave Chappelle about that.



I'm not sure why I'm surprised. Some people are stuck on stupid. They hate freedom. It's like some dudes have self-destruction in their DNA (and women tend to flock to these guys -- go figure).

Look on the bright side, dude. Maybe this can be turned into a sequel to your reality show. You can name it "Road to Rehab" and co-star Tiny.

Side note: Is Tiny not the oldest 36-year old you've ever seen in your life? I hate to beat a dead horse, but... Maybe I shouldn't use that phrase when referring to her.

Anyhoo, you can sell those leftover "Free T.I." shirts you had left in the trunk of your car from your first stint upstate.

So, when you get back to "Oz", walk through the gates and enter the yard where the convicts are getting their daily recess and scream, "Recognize, I'm back!"



Tell Simon Adebisi that I said, "what's up?"

Search This Blog

Share Me!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Pin It button on image hover